Raj's Smoke Break

I told the man ten times
Told him again, and again, and again
You gotta let me handle the bad customers
You ain't equipped, I says
You ain't good with the bad ones
But he a manager
He a smart man
He got pieces of paper with medals on it
Saying how he's able
Saying how he's equipped

So I let him do what he do
None of my business
None of my concern
Let him handle it then
Don't bother me at all

But then that costumer
Start calling him names
And I get bristly
But I don't say nothin' at first

Just keep counting our my drawer
Because he wants to handle the bad customers
Even though I know sometimes they got knives
And sometimes they got worse than knives
And if you act like you scared
They'll come back everyday
Just to remind themselves
There's someone in the world
Who's afraid of them

I tried telling him that
But he still using corporate bullshit on them
Smiles and happy time
Thinking that's what people want

The man, my boss
He a good man
But he didn't grow up
In this neighborhood

He don't know that when someone show you their first
They ain't looking to get smiled at
They want to compare fingers
They want to see how big yours is
Compared to theirs

And I got big fingers
So I ain't scared
To show 'em mine

But the boss
He's got little hands
All soft and white
Like some kinda poet

When that man start yelling at him
And calling him names
I finish counting my drawer like I'm supposed to
But then I hear him call my boss a name I don't like
A real bad name

My boss' face gets red
And his lips go blue
And his hands get even smaller

That's when I close my drawer
Walk over to the man
Grab him by the back of the shirt
And bring him right out to the street
Where the cars are going by

I stand there with him in traffic
Hearing him say 'Whatcha doin' man?  You're crazy!'

And I'm saying 'Hell yeah, I'm crazy.'
Because crazy makes your fists big
Because crazy makes your balls big
Because crazy makes you hard
So hard, you can stand in traffic
And if a car hits you
It'll flip right over you

Like in the superhero movies

'Something tells me,' I said to the man with the bad names
'That you ain't as crazy as I am'

After a few cars swerved around us
The man with the bad names
Forgot how tough he thought he was
And started telling me his prayers

When I heard one I liked
I let him go

I knew when I got back to the store
I was going to hear it

Maybe go home for the day
Maybe stay there for a week
Maybe clean out my locker
And not come back

Because a customer's a customer
Even one with bad names
And old prayers
That don't show up on them
Until you rub the guy down a little bit
Like silverware

But before my boss could say anything
I told him I was taking a break
Just a quick smoke break
Then we could talk

He said 'Okay'
And from the way he looked at me
I had a feeling
I'd be fired
Not because of what I did
But because he was embarrassed
That I had to be the one to do it

I told him he should let me handle the bad customers

But the truth is they're all bad

They're bad, we're bad
And sometimes it's just a game
To see who can be bad first and worst
And walk out on top

That's why I'm out here now

On my corner
Outside the store
Watching the traffic
Go back to normal

Because out here
On break
With a smoke
And a can of Pepsi
I'm on top

Out here
I'm not any smarter
But at least nobody bothers me

At least out here
I don't have to prove nothin'