(AZIZ and UTKARSH are having coffee.)
AZIZ: I thought you were great in the part.
UTKARSH: Aziz, I gotta tell you, I had so much fun.
AZIZ: It looked like you had fun.
UTKARSH: So much fun. Such a great time.
AZIZ: How did you end up, uh, getting that--
UTKARSH: Oh, you know, my agent called--
AZIZ: No audition?
UTKARSH: It wasn't that big a part.
AZIZ: But you're--sorry, no, that's great, but--you're so new to--
UTKARSH: I'm not that new.
AZIZ: But new to the point where--
UTKARSH: And it's not that big a part. It's a supporting role.
AZIZ: Did your agent say why they called you?
UTKARSH: Why do they call anyone? They want--
AZIZ: But you specifically--
UTKARSH: They must have seen me in something else I did.
AZIZ: It's just, uh, do you think they wanted--specifically--someone who--looks the way you do?
(A beat.)
UTKARSH: Uh, I'm sure that had something to do with it, yeah.
AZIZ: Right, so--
UTKARSH: Doesn't it always?
AZIZ: Right, but, uh, it's just strange because--
UTKARSH: Because?
AZIZ: Because I'm not getting those calls anymore.
(A beat.)
UTKARSH: So what are you saying?
AZIZ: I'm just wondering if the calls I'm not getting anymore are the calls that are now going to...you?
UTKARSH: Uh...I mean, wow, okay.
AZIZ: I'm just pointing out that--
UTKARSH: I'm not taking your roles, Aziz.
AZIZ: I'm not saying you're taking them. I'm saying they're being offered to you.
UTKARSH: No, they're not.
AZIZ: Then who else is taking them?
UTKARSH: Lots of people could be taking them. They're roles. They could go to anyone.
AZIZ: I--
UTKARSH: And you don't know that this is a role that would have gone to you.
AZIZ: Man, come on.
UTKARSH: What?
AZIZ: They just went out and found another person who looks--
UTKARSH: The role wasn't written specifically for someone who--
AZIZ: But they went with you.
UTKARSH: So?
AZIZ: So you know how this works.
UTKARSH: No, Aziz, I don't think I do. Tell me how it works.
AZIZ: If they went with you, that means they wanted someone who, you know--
UTKARSH: What?
AZIZ: --Who looks like you.
UTKARSH: That doesn't necessarily mean you.
AZIZ: Dude--
UTKARSH: There are billions of people on Earth who look like--
AZIZ: Come on.
UTKARSH: And we don't even look that much alike!
AZIZ: But we're the same type.
UTKARSH: And you think I'm only getting these offers, because they don't want to work with you anymore?
AZIZ: I think, yeah, that I've been put on a--like a 'Do Not Hire' list or--
UTKARSH: I haven't heard that.
AZIZ: How would you hear it?
UTKARSH: I'm just saying, I haven't heard that you're on any--
AZIZ: Well, I'm not getting work, am I?
UTKARSH: That doesn't mean--
AZIZ: And I think we know why.
(A beat.)
UTKARSH: I mean, yeah, we know why.
AZIZ: And I just--I guess I wanted to get coffee with you, because I wanted to ask you to, you know, sort of consider what you're doing when you're taking these roles.
(A moment.)
UTKARSH: What am I doing?
AZIZ: You know--
UTKARSH: What am I doing, Aziz?
AZIZ: You're, you know, taking roles from someone--
UTKARSH: I'm not taking roles from you. That's not what's happening.
AZIZ: Look, we all know there are certain types--
UTKARSH: You keep saying types--
AZIZ: And slots.
UTKARSH: Now there are slots.
AZIZ: And you're filling a niche--
UTKARSH: A niche?
AZIZ: --That I used to fill.
UTKARSH: Did you just say I fill A NICHE?
AZIZ: That we fill a--Well, I don't anymore, but--
UTKARSH: Aziz, if you're upset about your career, call your agent. Call your publicist. But there's nothing I can--
AZIZ: I'm saying, maybe, when they come to you with these roles--
UTKARSH: I get a call. That's it. A call.
AZIZ: When you get the call, you could sort of--
UTKARSH: Sort of?
AZIZ: ...Ask them about me?
(A beat.)
UTKARSH: What would I ask them?
AZIZ: You know, if they...considered me?
UTKARSH: You want me to ask people offering me a job if they've considered offering you the job instead?
AZIZ: Not every time they call you, just--
UTKARSH: That's crazy, man.
AZIZ: You can't be taking all these roles! There have to be one or two you don't want.
UTKARSH: Were you turning down roles for other people when you were getting called?
AZIZ: I had to turn down some of them, yeah.
UTKARSH: But you weren't doing that on behalf of anyone else.
AZIZ: There was nobody else! I was the first one!
UTKARSH: You were not the first one.
AZIZ: The only one I knew of.
UTKARSH: Is this some kind of 'you owe me' moment?
AZIZ: Noooooo.
(A beat.)
I mean...
UTKARSH: I'm going to go.
AZIZ: Do you agree with the reason I'm not getting cast?
UTKARSH: I don't know that there is a reason.
AZIZ: We both know there's a reason.
UTKARSH: I don't know, man--
AZIZ: You're letting them persecute me.
UTKARSH: Nobody's persecuting you.
AZIZ: I'm being kept from working.
UTKARSH: You were touring! You did a Netflix special!
AZIZ: Yeah, they milked me for redemption ratings and now that's done, and I'm not--They're not even letting me do a third season of my show.
UTKARSH: They who?
AZIZ: Netflix.
UTKARSH: Do a show somewhere else then.
AZIZ: Where?
UTKARSH: I don't know, man, Showtime?
AZIZ: ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
UTKARSH: I thought you'd be happy for me, man.
AZIZ: I am. I am, man, I just--I just also want to work. And I don't know if there's, you know, enough work to go around.
UTKARSH: Well that's--I don't know.
AZIZ: I don't know either.
UTKARSH: But whatever the reason is you're--you know, whatever--there's nothing--I can't--
AZIZ: Okay.
UTKARSH: I'm sorry, but--
AZIZ: It's okay.
UTKARSH: But they'll call again, okay? Whoever they are. They'll--I'm sure they'll call again.
AZIZ: Yeah.
UTKARSH: And maybe they'll be calling me too, and then we can call each other, and talk about how we're both getting called.
AZIZ: Yeah, that would be great.
UTKARSH: It'll happen, man.
AZIZ: I hope so.
UTKARSH: I'm telling you. It's going to happen.
AZIZ: Yeah, I mean--anything could happen.
End of Play
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