The Horse in Linda Tripp's Swimming Pool

So there I am

In Linda Tripp’s swimming pool

I--

Well, I was at the track

And we had a good race

Really good race

Tucky did great

Silver did great

But I came in first

And so, you know

I was feeling good

So we all went out

After the race

And yeah, I was celebrating

And then, the next thing I remember

I’m outside this house

And I see--in the back--

What I think is

A pool

And I think to myself--

Wow, I’ve never been in a pool

And I’m a horse

And I’m warm

And I’m a race-winner

So I jump in the pool

And the minute
I’m in the pool

It hits me, like--

Oh wait, how do I get

Out of this pool?

Getting into a pool is one thing

But getting out of the pool?

That was going

To prove tricky

And then, to add to the, uh, confusion

Who comes out

And sees me in the pool

And starts freaking out?

Linda Tripp

I didn’t recognize her at first

Because she was, uh,

I think in her pajamas or something

But I had seen this 60 Minutes episode

Catching up with her

One of those ‘Where Are They Now?’ episodes

And so I knew she had work done

But she looks great

And there I am

In her pool

And she’s like--

Are you okay?

And I feel so bad

Because I’m still really drunk

But sobering up quick

And I cannot get out of this woman’s pool

But also

It’s Linda Tripp

So I’m also like--

This is my pool now

Like, why do you get to have a pool?

You’re a terrible human being

And I am a fantastic horse

I should get to have a pool

And I’m trying to explain this to her

But she’s already in the house

On the phone with the police

Or animal control

Or whatever

And I’m just enjoying myself

Floating in the pool

Sinking a little bit

But not enough

To make me panic

I just tried to stay

In the shallow part

So I could trot around

And enjoy myself

Before the authorities showed up

Once they did

They were pretty nice

But they couldn’t believe

They were at Linda Tripp’s house

And one really didn’t like her

And he made a comment

And she didn’t like the comment

And the two of them kind of had words

And I said ‘To hell with it’

And I jumped back in the pool

I’m sure she was really

Not that bad of a lady

And she’s dead now anyway

So you don’t want to harp on

Like, what she did or didn’t do

When she was alive

But, what I will say is--

That was a really nice pool

And I definitely don’t think

She deserved a pool

That nice

I think you’d have to be

A really incredible person

Or, like, a steed

Like no other

To have

A pool

Like that