(POLLY, PETEY, and POPEYE are in their enclosure at the zoo.)
POLLY: He was telling me he belonged to a pirate. I said, 'You didn't belong to any fucking pirate.'
PETEY: Fuck that guy.
POLLY: Can you see him sitting on a pirate's shoulder? Fucking chump.
PETEY: Fucking liar.
POPEYE: Fuuuuuck him.
PETEY: You hear they got a new warthog?
POLLY: What the fuck do they need a new warthog for?
PETEY: We got one warthog. We need another fucking warthog?
POLLY: Where the fuck did they get this warthog from?
PETEY: Fucking Michigan.
POLLY: They got warthogs in fucking Michigan now?
PETEY: No, the motherfucker was at this fucking zoo in Michigan, and the fucking place closed down, and we bought the fucking warthog.
POLLY: So we got a clearance sale fucking warthog? What the fuck?
PETEY: And if you want to know the truth, that warthog looks fishy to me.
POLLY: What the fuck do you mean fishy?
PETEY: Like I didn't see any fucking warts. No fucking horns or whatever.
POLLY: What the fuck are you trying to say?
PETEY: I'm saying I think they sold us a fucking pig and told us it was a fucking warthog.
POLLY: I wouldn't put it past them.
PETEY: Now we're stuck with this fucking pig pretending to be a fucking warthog.
POPEYE: Fuuuuuuck him.
POLLY: This fucking place is going right down the toilet.
PETEY: Have you seen what they're fucking feeding us lately?
POLLY: We're getting the scraps from the anteater.
PETEY: They're feeding us fucking ants?
POLLY: Not fucking ants, but the other food they eat.
PETEY: What the fuck else does an anteater eat besides ants?
POLLY: He doesn't just eat fucking ants.
PETEY: That's what I'm asking you. What the fuck else does he eat?
POLLY: Do I look like a fucking anteater specialist?
PETEY: Don't get your fucking feathers in a twist over it. I'm just fucking asking you.
POLLY: Eight thousand zookeepers walking around and you want to ask me what the fuck an anteater eats.
PETEY: Fine, don't fucking answer me then.
POLLY: I don't even like that fucking anteater.
PETEY: Why do you think I don't want to eat his food? I can't stand that motherfucker.
POPEYE: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck him.
POLLY: Hey, why don't they let the kids near us anymore?
PETEY: I heard one of the keepers saying it's because of our language.
POLLY: What fucking language?
PETEY: I think it's because speak Tongan every so often.
POLLY: We're from fucking Tonga. What do they want us to speak?
PETEY: Maybe we should cut back on it.
POLLY: Fuck that. Let the kids hear some Tongan. It's good for them. Little fuckers.
PETEY: Remember that kid from last week who was trying to get us to say his fucking name?
POLLY: Take me months to learn one word, and you want me to say your dumbass fucking name in two seconds, Grayson?
PETEY: Who the fuck names a kid Grayson?
POLLY: What the fuck kind of name is Grayson?
PETEY: Why the fuck would you name a kid Grayson?
POLLY: Where the FUCK do you get off naming a kid Grayson?
PETEY: HOW the fuck do you get away with naming a kid Grayson?
POLLY: Grayson!
POPEYE: Fuuuuuuuck him.
POLLY: Don't these motherfuckers know we're educational?
PETEY: Why else do you bring your kids to the zoo if you don't want to let 'em learn anything?
POLLY: People are too fucking sensitive these days.
PETEY: Way too fucking sensitive.
POLLY: It's crazy.
PETEY: I miss being young and sitting on that pirate's shoulder all day.
(A beat.)
POLLY: What pirate?
PETEY: The pirate that owned me.
POLLY: You're trying to say you were owned by a pirate?
PETEY: Yeah, I was owned by a fucking pirate. What of it?
POLLY: Here we fucking go.
POPEYE: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck--
End of Play
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