Tuesday, January 26, 2021

The Pope Must Find the Bedding Room

The Pope’s duty

Is to find a room

In which the King

Can consummate his marriage

With his new bride


The King insists

On consummation

In the Vatican

But the religious imagery

Has rendered him, erm…


Anxious


And so, he has blamed

The quarters in which

He was staying

And has demanded

That the Pope

Find a more suitable

And highly erotic

Chamber

In which to bring forth an heir


His Holiness

Needs to secure

A Christian prince

To ensure

The stability

Of the Empire

And goodness knows

There’s no shortage

Of erotica

In the Vatican palace

But His Excellency knows

That the King

Would only allow himself

To be moved to other quarters once

And after that

The mood will be ruined

And his majesty

Will not be able to perform

And the rumor ‘round the kingdom

Is that his royal highness

Only rises to the occasion

Every fortnight or so


The Pope has narrowed

The potential rooms

In which the copulation might occur

Down to three unique spaces


Without assumptions being made

About what might get his majesty’s horses trotting

It seems the best course of action

Is to find a boudoir

With a variety of tantalizing images


The room of undressed saviors

Is a possibility


As that happens to be

The room where we store

The most sensual paintings

Of our Christ


In one, he is standing under a waterfall

Letting the water run through

His very healthy locks

And while it seems unlikely

That Jesus ever encountered a waterfall

As he was frequently in the desert

The visual is quite...stimulating


Provided the gossip

About the King

Being on the...softer side

Is accurate

Then he should be quite taken

With the waterfall masterpiece

And the sculpture of our Lord’s son

Riding a very sturdy mule


But! If the scuttlebutt

Is more ‘scuttle’ than ‘butt’

Perhaps the Steamy Virgin room

Would be more to his liking


The Pope has discovered

That we do not have many

Equal opportunity arousal rooms

In the palace

And so he’s considering

Having some of the Steamy Virgin paintings

Moved into the Hot Jesus room

But a crowded space

Is no place

To fornicate with a new spouse


One of the servants

Commented to His Holiness

That the roof is quite lovely

This time of year

And with a few plants

And perhaps a makeshift fountain

It might be the perfect spot

For some marital bedding

And that servant

Was promptly sent

To the dungeon

For how on earth
Could we ever suggest

To God’s chosen

That he and his new bride

Carry on

Beneath the clouds

As though they were two

Roustabousts

Sprung from the loins of farmers

Cavorting near a puckey pile


The Pope may relent

And allow them

To engage

In his own chambers

As they, no doubt,

Full of some of the most

Depraved sexual works

Ever created


It would be quite the intrusion

On his privacy

But if there’s one thing

A Catholic understands--


It’s sacrifice

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