The Tasmanian Devil Returns to Australia

Babadeebabadooday-pwuh!

Hey guys!

Long time, no see, huh?

Man, this place is--

Hey, is that supposed to be on fire?

Should I--

I can--I mean, I can spin around it, and put it out with--

It’s like that thing

Superman does

Where he flies around the--

Whoa, another fire there

That’s a little--

You guys really gotta

Keep an eye on all

The dryness around here

This place is going to be

One big barbecue pit

Pretty soon, right?

Hey, is Tibby still here?

Poachers?

They’re poaching

Tasmanian devils now?

We’re like--

The ugliest creatures

On Earth

Why are they--

Wow

Why didn’t anybody

Call me?

I go to L.A. for a few decades

And the next thing you know

My continent’s on fire

And Tibby’s dead

And--

Do we even have kangaroos anymore?

Okay, well those assholes suck

So I’m actually not thrilled

About that news

You ever been kicked

By one of those things?

Maybe we should talk

To the poachers

And see if we can get them

To focus on the kangaroos

For a little bit

And leave the devils--

Oh! Is that Crocodile Dundee?

Is he--

What?

A sinkhole?

We have sinkholes now?

Damn

I would have loved

To be at that funeral

That guy knew how to party

Huh?

Yeah, I’ve met Bugs

I’ve met Daffy

I’ve been to all their houses

Very exciting

Blah, blah, blah, pabbabity-sket-sket-pwuh

It’s all fake, you know?

You think it’s bright colors

And orchestra music

And pigs with speech impediments

But it’s really just corporate greed

And focus groups

And twenty-year-old producers

Telling you that kids

Want a cartoon

That’s a little less aggressive

Imagine saying I’m aggressive

Me

I used to spin around

Eighty miles an hour

And I brought it down to seventy-five

Just to make everybody else comfortable

I compromised

Who I am

To make other people happy

And they cut me loose anyway

Now I’m back here

And everything’s burning up

And the kangaroos are probably

Laughing at me

And Dundee is dead

And it’s like--

I just need to decompress

You know?

And what better place

To do that

Than where I’m from?

This is my home

This is--

Hey, how are the koalas doing?

Damn

Even the koalas, huh?

Damn

I went for one little spin
And the whole world

Spun around me

Deep, huh?

I know

That’s who I am now

I’m profound

So when I say--

Faksdroiehtansdg-pwuh

You know

I mean it