(NATALIE
and JIM on a plane.)
NATALIE: I want you
to be happy about this.
JIM: I’m sure you do.
NATALIE: I want you
to know that I’m not happy that you’re not happy.
JIM: But you are
happy that we’re going back?
NATALIE: Yes, but it’s
a lesser sort of happiness.
JIM: Well, I’m sorry
that I can’t make your happiness whole, Natalie.
NATALIE: You could if
you’d just stop pouting.
JIM: When men lose a
bet, they pout. That’s how men are. I’m a man.
And I’m not even an exceptional man.
I am the everyman. I pout. And I hate flying.
NATALIE: You’re the
one who wanted to move to Fresno. If we
hadn’t moved so far away, we wouldn’t need to be on a plane right now.
JIM: We drove the
first time.
NATALIE: And I will
never do that again. Five solid days of throwing
up.
JIM: If you had taken
the pills—
NATALIE: I threw up
the pills, Jim. I threw up everything I
ate for a solid week. It’s a miracle I
survived.
JIM: At least you
lost some weight.
(A
beat.)
NATALIE: I’m going to
bring that up one day when we’re fighting and you say you never say anything
stupid. Believe me, I am going to use
that like a nuclear weapon.
JIM: I’m sure you are.
NATALIE: I’m going to
decimate whatever argument you’re making with that little fat comment.
JIM: I didn’t say you
were fat.
NATALIE: The minute
you utter the word ‘weight’ in a conversation with a woman, you are driving a
school bus onto a frozen pond, Jim. You take
your life in your hands. Be aware of
that.
JIM: I can’t believe
my entire life is being turned upside down right now because I lost a bet.
NATALIE: I didn’t
want to make the bet.
JIM: Here we go.
NATALIE: You wanted
to make the bet, I didn’t.
JIM: I—
NATALIE: I said, ‘Okay,
they’re kicking us out of Rhode Island.
We can deal with this. Let’s just
move over the line. To Attleboro or
something.’ You’re the one who said, ‘No,
screw it. Let’s move across the country. To hell with them.’ I said, ‘But Jim, what if they let us come
back?’ You said, ‘They’ll never let us
come back, Natalie.’ I said, ‘But what
if they do?’ And you said, ‘I’ll bet you
they never do.’ I said, ‘Jim, don’t make
a bet like that with me.’ And you said, ‘I’ll
bet you that they never us back, and if they do—‘
JIM and NATALIE: ‘--We’ll
go back.’
NATALIE: You know I
make people honor their bets, Jim. That’s
just how I am.
JIM: Maybe we should
have moved to Vegas instead of Fresno.
NATALIE: Please. Like your friend Terry? The drug lord?
JIM: He’s not a drug
lord.
NATALIE: So you’re
saying he doesn’t sell drugs?
JIM: Oh, he sells
drugs. But he’s not a drug lord. ‘Drug lord’ sounds like he lives on a
plantation in Guadalajara.
NATALIE: Now there’s
someone who deserved to be exiled. A
criminal. That wife of his too.
JIM: They lost their
child, Natalie.
NATALIE: We lost a
child too, Jim.
JIM: It’s not—
(A
beat.)
NATALIE: What?
JIM: Nothing.
NATALIE: The
same? It’s not the same?
JIM: Not…It’s just
different.
(A
moment.)
NATALIE : So. Are you going to pout when we get home too?
JIM: Home to Rhode
Island, you mean?
NATALIE: Yes.
JIM: I don’t think
Rhode Island’s ever going to be home.
NATALIE: Rhode Island’s
always been home.
JIM: When we were
living in Fresno, yes. Because home is
the last place you ever lived when you hate where you’re living now. So for you, yes, home was Rhode Island. Home to me was Fresno. Because I liked Fresno. Rhode Island wasn’t home even when I was
living in Rhode Island, and it’s sure as hell not going to be home now.
NATALIE: Can’t you
just make the best of this?
JIM: The best of what? The rest of my life? My only prayer is that they’ll exile us
again.
NATALIE: Don’t even
joke about that.
JIM: I’m sorry that
you—
(A
moment.)
NATALIE: Now that one
I’m going to have to make you finish, because I’m not exactly sure where you
were going with it.
JIM: You were a
cheerleader in high school. You had tons
of friends. You were President of the
Student Body in college. You got a great
job as a realtor. You made tons of
money. You made double what I made.
NATALIE: That’s because
you wanted to write children’s books.
JIM: You wanted me to
finish, right?
NATALIE: Sorry.
(A
beat.)
Sorry.
JIM: You have fond
memories. I don’t.
NATALIE So you’re saying
I peaked early?
JIM: I’m saying Rhode
Island worked for you, it didn’t work for me.
NATALIE: Jim, you
weren’t doing any better professionally in Fresno.
JIM: But I liked it
there, okay? I just liked it there.
NATALIE: Well, I didn’t.
JIM: That’s because…
(A
beat.)
NATALIE: Yes. That’s why.
(A
beat.)
I was so sick. And you
kept saying it wasn’t the Exile disease, but I know it was.
JIM: That isn’t why—
NATALIE: And I knew
she wasn’t going to make it. It took us
so long just to…and then just like that…
(A
moment.)
JIM: We could go
somewhere else. We don’t have to go
back.
NATALIE: I miss my
mom. I miss my sisters. Kate’s in college now. Can you believe it? College.
I feel like I’m missing out.
JIM: You Skype her
all the time.
NATALIE: Skype is not
life, Jim. Sometimes you just want to
hug somebody. To actually feel their presence. Do you know when the last time I hugged
someone—
(A
moment.)
JIM: Yeah, I know.
NATALIE: You don’t
have to come back with me.
JIM: How would that
work?
NATALIE: I don’t
know. I guess in one way it wouldn’t
work and in another way—
JIM: We’re not there
yet.
NATALIE: Aren’t we?
JIM: We’re not. I don’t hate you.
NATALIE: Things don’t
end just because people hate each other.
Sometimes they end because it’s time for them to end.
JIM: But I love you.
NATALIE: I love you
too. But you hate Rhode Island.
JIM: Do you hate
Fresno?
NATALIE: Everybody
hates Fresno, Jim. I think you’re the
only one who doesn’t. They should elect
you Mayor.
(A
beat.)
JIM: I’d miss you.
(She
thinks about this. She puts her hand in
his.)
NATALIE: We’ll make
it work.
JIM: Will we?
NATALIE: Well…I’ll
make it work. You just hang on for the
ride.
JIM: (Smiles.) Okay.
(He
kisses her.)
NATALIE: And try not to
freak out when we hit turbulence.
JIM: (Laughs,
then--) I forgot about turbulence.
NATALIE: Just hold my
hand, Jim. Just keep holding my hand.
(He
does. Lights.)
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