Leaving Rhode Island: Tokyo

He always wanted to save me

And ultimately, all that did

Was destroy him

I was a black hole

Quicksand

A little black box without a key

When they sent me away

First I went to Detroit

A city without people

I thought I'd wander the streets alone

Like the last human on earth

All grey cinematography

And I found a certain comfort in that idea

But I got there

There was still noise

The commotion of the dying

Kept me up at night

I sent Nathan a postcard

Saying I have to move again

But I wasn't sure where

I didn't think it would be Tokyo

Who knew I could swim across oceans

Dolphins on one end of me

Sharks on the other

When I got there, I got a job

At a movie theater

That only showed foreign films

And that meant any American movie

That made more than a hundred million stateside

When I had enough money saved up

I'd blow it all on a hotel room

Pretending I was Scarlett Johansson in 'Lost in Translation'

Wondering where Bill Murray was

Wondering why the Japanese businessmen weren't offering me money for sex

Wondering what Nathan must be up to

At times, life became blurry

Like an old television with a broken antennae

And I'd wake up in a life I didn't know I had

If you turn it into a game, it can be fun...for awhile

Guess who your friends are

Guess what you did last night

Guess whether or not you still have a job

Or what the guy sleeping next to you thinks your name is

The other day I woke up on a rooftop

With my feet dangling off the ledge

And I remember dreaming about being next to a pool

Wanting to jump in

What do you do when a part of you wants to live

But a better, smarter part of you

Wants you to die?

Next to me on the roof

Was a letter saying 'Come back'

I didn't know if it was a joke or not

Or if I wrote it myself

Or how I got it

Since, at that point, I had no address

And nobody knew where I was

Not even Nathan

Especially not Nathan

'Come back'

I wanted to say 'Where?'

Where am I supposed to go back to?

How do I get there?

Do you know?

Do you?

Some trips you only get to make once, you know?

Sometimes life only goes

One way