Leaving Rhode Island: Rock, Paper, Scissors

                (LESLIE and ARNOLD are standing across from each other.)

ARNOLD:  This is insulting to the love we once had.

LESLIE:  Do you want to get back together or not?

ARNOLD:  I’ve been gone for five years, I come home, and you make me do this?

LESLIE:  It’s fate, right?

ARNOLD:  It’s not fate.

LESLIE:  You were sent away by random—whatever.  Something.  They pulled your name and you went away, and now they’re saying you can come back, but it’s not that simple, Arnold.  It’s not that easy.  I need a sign to tell me that we’re meant to get back together.

ARNOLD:  And this is going to be your sign?

LESLIE:  If you win it is.

ARNOLD:  Neither one of us is with anybody right now.  Isn’t that enough of a sign?

LESLIE:  That could be a fluke.

ARNOLD:  What’s the difference between a sign and a fluke?

LESLIE:  A fluke isn’t as strong as a sign.  This is strong.  We’re standing here.  We’re looking at each other.  We’re about to make something happen.

ARNOLD:  You can’t make a sign happen, Leslie.

LESLIE:  It’s Greek, Arnold.

ARNOLD:  What do you mean Greek?

LESLIE:  It’s all up to the gods now.

ARNOLD:  What gods?  You’re Catholic?

LESLIE:  I’m Christian.

ARNOLD:  There’s a difference.

LESLIE:  Yeah.

ARNOLD:  What’s the difference?

                (A beat.)

LESLIE:  I don’t know, but I know there’s a difference.

ARNOLD:  Maybe Christians believe in flukes and Catholics believe in signs.

LESLIE:  Yeah maybe.  Stop stalling.

                (They play as they call it.)

BOTH:  Rock, paper, scissors—Shoot!

                (She throws rock, he throws scissors.)

LESLIE:  It’s not looking good for you, Arnold.

ARNOLD:  You always throw rock first.

LESLIE:  So why did you throw scissors?

ARNOLD:  I thought maybe you changed in five years, but I guess not.

LESLIE:  So maybe we shouldn’t bother with this.

ARNOLD:  Nice try.  We already started something.  We’re not going to stop now.

LESLIE:  What are you going to do if you lose?

ARNOLD:  Go have sex with somebody who isn’t you?

LESLIE:  And what do you think you’re going to be doing if you win?

ARNOLD:  After the answer I just gave?  Probably get beaten up by you.

LESLIE:  I think that’s going to happen either way.

ARNOLD:  Let’s go.

BOTH:  Rock, paper, scissors—Shoot!

                (She throws paper, he throws paper.)

LESLIE:  Again.

BOTH:  Rock, paper, scissors—Shoot!

                (She throws paper, he throws scissors.)

ARNOLD:  YES!

LESLIE:  You got lucky.

ARNOLD:  I always beat you at this.

LESLIE:  You never beat me at this.

ARNOLD:  I remember it differently.

LESLIE:  What else do you remember differently?

ARNOLD:  How would I know?  In my mind, it’s not so different.

LESLIE:  One more shot.

ARNOLD:  Unless—

LESLIE:  No, no—you said it.  We start, we finish.

ARNOLD:  You got me nervous now.

LESLIE:  You should be nervous.  The rest of our lives hangs in the balance.  If you win, you’re marrying me.

ARNOLD:  Says who?

LESLIE:  Says me.

ARNOLD:  And if I lose?

LESLIE:  I never want to see you again.

ARNOLD:  A little extreme, huh?  --On both ends.

LESLIE:  I’m not a kid anymore, Arnold.  I’m too old to be dickin’ around.  Winner takes all, loser gets his number deleted.

ARNOLD:  I better hope I win then, huh?

LESLIE:  Yup.

                (He holds out his fist, and then stops.  A beat.)

ARNOLD:  I’m going to throw scissors.

LESLIE:  What?

ARNOLD:  I’m telling you.  I’m going to throw scissors.

LESLIE:  Why would you tell me that?

ARNOLD:  So you can decide what you want.

LESLIE:  Don’t do that, Arnold.  Don’t put that on me.

ARNOLD:  I’m putting it on you, Leslie.  I’m telling you—it’s going to be scissors.

LESLIE:  Then I’ll throw rock.

ARNOLD:  Maybe you will, maybe you won’t.

LESLIE:  Why are you doing this?

ARNOLD:  I want to know what you want.  You already know what I want.

LESLIE:  This wasn’t what we agreed to.

ARNOLD:  Too damn bad.

LESLIE:  You have to play.

ARNOLD:  I am playing.  And for once, I’m playing smart.

LESLIE:  Don’t tell me what you’re going to do, Arnold.  That’s not right.

ARNOLD:  I’m going to be with you.  That’s what I’m going to do.  And I’m telling you.

LESLIE:  Arnold—

ARNOLD:  I’m telling you.  Draw!

BOTH:  Rock, paper, scissors—Shoot!

                (She throws rock, he throws rock.  They look at each other.  A beat.)

LESLIE:  You said—

ARNOLD:  I said I wanted to see what you wanted.  I figured…

LESLIE:  I…

ARNOLD:  You were going to crush me.

LESLIE:  Just your scissors.

ARNOLD:  I should have thrown paper.  Now we just got two rocks.  What the hell are we supposed to do with two rocks?

LESLIE:  I don’t know.

ARNOLD:  So you don’t--?

LESLIE:  I don’t know.  I didn’t…I didn’t want to have to…choose like that.

ARNOLD:  But you did.

LESLIE:  I thought maybe I could choose and then choose again.

ARNOLD:  Well, it can’t be a tie so…

                (A beat.)

LESLIE:  Why are we—

ARNOLD:  No.  No tie.  Do it.

LESLIE:  Arnold—

ARNOLD:  Do it.

                (A beat.)

BOTH:  Rock, paper, scissors—Shoot!

                (She throws paper, he throws scissors.)

ARNOLD:  Well look at that.

                (A second.)

                I won.

                (Lights.)