Leaving Rhode Island: Greece

                (MIRANDA and KRISTY sit in an office.  KRISTY is younger than MIRANDA, and looks very sure of herself.)

KRISTY:  It’s important that you not be nervous.

MIRANDA:  Why is it important?

KRISTY:  What?

MIRANDA:  Why is it important that I not be nervous?

KRISTY:  Because it won’t help.

MIRANDA:  Help what?

KRISTY:  Anything, really.

MIRANDA:  But anything specifically?

KRISTY:  What?

MIRANDA:  Is there anything, specifically, it won’t help?

KRISTY:  Well if you’re worried that we’re going to shoot you—

MIRANDA:  Oh my God!

KRISTY:  Oh, please!  Let me finish!

MIRANDA:  Of course.  I’m sorry.  Go ahead.

KRISTY:  I was going to say—If you’re worried that we’re going to shoot you, then don’t worry.

MIRANDA:  Because you’re not going to shoot me?

KRISTY:  No, because worrying about it won’t prevent it from happening.

MIRANDA:  Jesus!

KRISTY:  We’re NOT going to shoot you!  But if we were, you worrying about it wouldn’t help.

MIRANDA:  Would you tell me if you were going to shoot me?

KRISTY:  I would tell you eventually.

MIRANDA:  Eventually meaning when?

KRISTY:  Probably right before I shot you.

MIRANDA:  And would you lie to me about it up until then?

KRISTY:  Well, I’d have to.  I wouldn’t want you running away.

MIRANDA:  Oh lord.

KRISTY:  Or panicking.

MIRANDA:  Well, now I’m panicking.

KRISTY:  People your age always panic about the little things.

MIRANDA:  Being shot is not a little thing.

KRISTY:  Depends on the size of the bullets, I would think.

MIRANDA:  I was perfectly calm when I came in here.  You’ve gotten me all worked up.

KRISTY:  I didn’t mean to do that.  I just wanted to meet with you to welcome you back to Rhode Island and assure you that we’re not going to shoot you simply because you’re one of the older Exiles.

MIRANDA:  I…Why would I think that?

KRISTY:  Rumors.  Gossip.  Speculation.

MIRANDA:  I should hope so.  What you’re describing would be—barbaric.

KRISTY:  Well, I wouldn’t go that far.  It would certainly be bad PR.

MIRANDA:  PR?

KRISTY:  Public relations?

MIRANDA:  I know what PR stands for.  I mean, that’s what would bother you about it?  Bad PR?

KRISTY:  What else about it should bother me?

MIRANDA:  That it would be homicide?

KRISTY:  At your age?  Ha!  Not really.

MIRANDA:  How old do you think I am?

KRISTY:  Oh God, I’m terrible at this game.  I always guess zero.

MIRANDA:  What?

KRISTY:  You know, like on Price Is Right?  They guess zero in case everybody else goes too high?

MIRANDA:  That wouldn’t really apply here.

KRISTY:  Fifty-seven?

MIRANDA:  I’d be flattered, except that would mean you think fifty-seven is an appropriate age at which to shoot someone for being too old.

KRISTY:  It’s not so much your age as your overall feebleness.

MIRANDA:  I’m hardly feeble.  I spent the past five years in Greece running a stall at a fish market.  I can gut and prep a swordfish in less time than it takes you to do your hair.

KRISTY:  Well, that’s not that impressive.  As you can probably see, it takes me forever to do my hair.  This doesn’t just happen in minutes, you know.

MIRANDA:  First the government of Rhode Island banishes all these people, and now they’re threatening to shoot some of us.

KRISTY:  Well…there is a solution—I mean, to calm your nerves about the whole thing.

MIRANDA:  Does it involve you promising me it’s not going to happen?

KRISTY:  I’m not allowed to make promises.  They’re scared I might try to keep one.

MIRANDA:  So what’s the solution?

KRISTY:  You could…not come back?

                (A beat.)

MIRANDA:  You’re telling me that after you kicked me out and then told me I could return, that now I—

KRISTY:  I’m saying it would eliminate any concern you might have.

MIRANDA:  And where would I go?

KRISTY:  Back to Greece?  Or Tuscon?  Tuscon is lovely this time of year.

MIRANDA:  And what if I just stay here and take my chances?

                (A beat.)

KRISTY:  Well, that would be your choice.  Your…ill-advised choice.

MIRANDA:  Why older people?  Can you tell me that?

KRISTY:  I only know what they tell me.

MIRANDA:  And what do they tell you?

KRISTY:  Nothing.  That’s how the system stays in place.

MIRANDA:  Don’t you have a grandmother?  A grandfather?  An older aunt?

KRISTY:  Are you asking me if I feel compassion?

MIRANDA:  Well—yes.

KRISTY:  I…I want to say ‘Yes?’

MIRANDA:  I think I should head back to Greece.

KRISTY:  I’m sure it’s beautiful there.

MIRANDA:  It is.  Much nicer than here.

KRISTY:  I’ve always thought about going.

MIRANDA:  To Greece?

KRISTY:  To anywhere.  But I’m terrified of flying.

MIRANDA:  If the plane crashed, you’d just die.  That’s all.

KRISTY:  That’s—a lot.

MIRANDA:  The good news for you is that you outgrow fear.  One day you wake up and you just don’t care anymore.  Somebody sends you a letter telling you to leave everything you’ve ever worked for behind, and the next thing you know, you’re on a fishing boat in the bluest waters you’ve ever seen in your life, as drunk as you’ve ever been in your life, and happier than you ever thought was possible.

KRISTY:  That…sounds wonderful.

MIRANDA:  Or you just die here.

                (MIRANDA looks around the room.)

If it were up to me—I’d pick the plane crash.

                (She exits.  KRISTY looks around.  Lights.)