Absolutely Nothing

She asked me

What I did

On my vacation

And I told her--

Absolutely nothing

I know she must have had

Opinions

About it

Because I saw the photos

From her vacation

And she was getting up at dawn--

Fishing

Scuba diving

Walking up mountains

And what I wanted to say to her was--

How is that a vacation?

But I didn’t

Because to each her own

But that was before

She gave me that look

When I told her

What I did

On my vacation

Now, isn’t it enough
That every day of our lives

We’re all running around

Trying to compete with each other?

Trying to get the most work done

Trying to be the most productive

Always working on a side project

Or a new fun thing

We can brag about

We have to keep that up

Even when we’re on

Vacation?

I don’t think so

When I went on vacation

I got myself a hotel room

Eighteen bags of chips

And three books

I was never going to read

And I had myself

A grand old time

Now, granted

There wasn’t anything

To take pictures of--

At least no pictures

Anybody would want to see

I think I only showered

About four times

The whole vacation

And I didn’t go anywhere special

Just a few towns over

Why go anywhere nice

When I wasn’t planning

On leaving the room?

I know some people think

Vacations are a great time

To expand your worldview

And have new experiences

Do things you’ve never done before

Well all that sounds exhausting to me

And I don’t feel like being exhausted

On my vacation

People wake up early every day

To go to work

And bitch and moan about it

Then they go on vacation

And wake up early

And somehow

It’s not the same

Because this time

They’re going white water rafting?

Now, you listen to me

And this is just my opinion

But--

There is nothing worth doing

That can’t be done

After 2pm

Anytime somebody tries to sell me on something

And it starts with--

Well, first you get up

Ten minutes before the rooster does

I know I’m going to say--

Thanks, but no thanks

I had a perfectly lovely vacation

Filled with a whole lot of nothing

And I won’t have anybody

Eye-rolling me about it

I don’t work hard at work

So I can work hard on breaks from work

That just doesn’t make any sense

Not to me anyway

Not to me