Give Thanos a Chance

(The first reading of a play.  NINA is sitting

with the DIRECTOR.)

DIRECTOR:  We are just so excited to have

you on this project, Nina.

NINA:  I’m really excited too.  I’m sorry--I

never asked you who was playing the guy role?

DIRECTOR:  Oh, well--that’s kind of a secret,

but we really landed a big get here.

NINA:  Oh?

(THANOS enters.)

THANOS:  Hi, sorry I’m late.  You must be Nina.

I’m Thanos.

NINA:  Uh.

DIRECTOR:  Thanos--so glad you could

join us for this.

THANOS:  Oh please, the pleasure’s all

mine.  Do you have a restroom here I

could use?  I came straight across the

Universe and didn’t get a chance to use

the little Titan’s room.

DIRECTOR:  Sure--it’s right around the

corner.

THANOS:  Great. Be right back.

(He exits.)

DIRECTOR:  Well--surprise.

NINA:  Uh--what the hell is going on?

DIRECTOR:  What do you mean?

NINA:  Thanos is playing the other role?

DIRECTOR:  Yeah! Isn’t that awesome?

NINA:  No, it’s not awesome!  He’s a

monster.

DIRECTOR:  Whoa, Nina--where is this

animosity coming from?

NINA:  He destroyed half the living things

in the Universe!

DIRECTOR:  Right, okay, I did hear about

that.  And, you know, I’d just like us to

remember that there are two sides to every

story.

NINA:  What’s the other side?

DIRECTOR:  I just know that he felt very

passionately about doing what he did, and

while you may disagree with that--

NINA:  Half my family got snapped.

DIRECTOR:  Okay, so now I’m hearing your

side of the experience, and yes, I can imagine

how awful that was for you, but I’m asking you,

as a favor to me, to put that emotion aside, and

just focus on what Thanos is going to bring to

this project.

NINA:  What IS he going to bring to this project?

DIRECTOR:  Do you have any idea how much

publicity this is going to drum up for us?

NINA:  What kind of publicity?

DIRECTOR:  I’d rather not get into semantics.

NINA:  He’s the most hated person in the

Universe!

DIRECTOR:  And that gives him a unique

perspective into the character who is also not

such a good guy, don’t you think?

NINA:  The character in the play robbed a bank.

 Thanos decimated the population of entire

countries.

DIRECTOR:  There’s a lot of judgment going on

right now, and I’m just not sure that’s conducive

to creating a healthy working environment.

NINA:  So you don’t care about--everything he’s

done--because he’s going to--what?  Get us

more attention?

DIRECTOR:  Nina, I’m just asking you to be a

professional about this--

NINA:  If the Avengers find out about this--

DIRECTOR:  I’m trying not to hold what the

Avengers think against him.

NINA:  They’re the AVENGERS!

DIRECTOR:  And they are allowed to have their

feelings, but they are not in the room right now.  

You’re in the room. I’m in the room. And Thanos

is in the room. And I’m asking everyone in the

room not to let what people outside the room

think about those people in the room affect

what happens in the room.

NINA:  The room with a murderer in it.

DIRECTOR:  Nina, I had no idea there was

poison in that maple syrup and had I known--

NINA:  What?

DIRECTOR:  Oh, you’re talking about Thanos

again.

NINA:  I’m not doing this play.  I’m not working

with a WORLD DESTROYER.

DIRECTOR:  If that’s how you feel, I

guess I understand.

NINA:  I would hope so.

DIRECTOR:  I would just hate to see you

blacklisted.

NINA:  What are you talking about?

DIRECTOR:  Leaving a project like this--

NINA:  I’m leaving because of Thanos!

DIRECTOR:  Right, and I’m sure that narrative

will be sympathetic...to some people.

NINA:  Can’t you just fire him?

DIRECTOR:  And have this be a whole big

thing?

NINA:  It already is a whole big thing.

DIRECTOR:  Nina, I don’t know the right

way to say this to you--

NINA:  Oh god.

DIRECTOR:  But I truly believe, in my heart

of hearts, that--nobody is going to care if

Thanos is in the play.

NINA:  Of course people are going to--

DIRECTOR:  Oh yeah, I mean--they’ll whine.

 They’re moan. They’ll gossip. But then they’ll

either forget about it or buy a ticket to come

see it.  I mean, what are the other options?

They’re not going to shut it down. And even

if they did, some contrarian somewhere would

just offer to host us at an even bigger venue.

NINA: He should not be allowed to do this.
DIRECTOR: So you're saying he should
never work again just because he made
a mistake.

NINA: I mean...maybe I'm not saying
'never...'

DIRECTOR: Okay, but then--when? Like, who decides that? Who decides
when he gets to make a living again?
Even world-destroying monsters
need to eat.

NINA:  Is he even an actor?

DIRECTOR:  You know what?  Who cares?

Again--  Who...cares?

NINA:  I care.

DIRECTOR:  And, it’s not that you caring isn’t

enough, it’s just that--

NINA:  It’s not enough.

DIRECTOR:  Exactly. Ultimately, it’s about a

given accomplishment.  And whether that

accomplishment is great or, you know, the

greatest act of evil ever committed--it’s still

a pretty impressive feat, wouldn’t you say?

NINA:  He snapped his fingers.

DIRECTOR:  And there are people out there

who can’t snap their fingers.  Don’t be like

them, Nina. Don’t be a snap-hater.

NINA:  I hate him.

DIRECTOR:  Use it. Use the hatred.

NINA:  By agreeing to be in this show, I am

condoning everything he--

DIRECTOR:  No, you’re not!  You’re just getting

a paycheck.  And that’s what you’ll say if anybody

asks you--Oh, what do you expect me to do?  

I need the money.  And they won’t be able to say

anything, because they’re certainly not going to

pay you.  So they’ll say something about your

dignity and then walk away.

NINA:  And what about my dignity?

DIRECTOR:  Honest to god, Nina, it’s America.  

Who the hell has dignity has anymore?  We’re

lucky most of us still have teeth.

NINA:  I don’t know if I can--

(THANOS re-enters.)

THANOS:  That bathroom has the most beautiful

wallpaper.  Apricots! What a genius choice.

DIRECTOR:  Let’s get to reading, shall we?  Nina?

(A beat.)

Nina?

NINA:  Yes, let’s--let’s start.

THANOS:  I’m a big fan of your work, Nina.

NINA:  I...Oh.  Really?

THANOS:  Yeah, that last play you did--

DIRECTOR:  Wasn’t she great?

THANOS:  She was--it was luminous.

NINA:  Oh, well--

THANOS:  You are truly special.

NINA:  That’s--thank you, I--I’m looking forward

to working with you.

THANOS:  It’s an honor.

DIRECTOR:  Geez, you two, get a room!  

(Laughs.) Okay, let’s kick this off.

NINA:  (To THANOS.)  Did you have any trouble

finding the right room?  This building is--

THANOS:  Nah, I’m great with directions.

 It was a snap.

(THANOS and the DIRECTOR laughs.  NINA

is horrified for a moment, then she also begins

laughing.  They laugh and laugh and laugh.)

The End