Home After Work

It’s not such a big deal

When the weather’s bad

And, you know,

It’s bad, like, nine months out of the year

That’s the thing about up here

You really only get

About two to three months

Of really, really nice weather

Nothing more than that

And when it’s bad out

You go home after work

So I don’t mind

When it’s bad out

Because I like feeling like

Nothing I’m doing

Is all that out of the ordinary, you know?

That I’m just doing

What everybody else is doing

But, uh, when it gets warm

And I start hearing people at work

Talking about what they’re going to do

When their shift is up

That’s when I start to feel, you know--

Not so great

And it’s the dumbest thing
Like, it makes me feel dumb

And I hate that

But, it’s just about the pressure

I feel a lot of pressure

Knowing that I’m going home

And all these people

Are walking down to the Anchor

Getting drinks

And listening to music

If I open my windows

I can even hear it

Because I don’t live too far from there

The Anchor’s only a mile away

And if I wanted to

I could walk there

I did once

Everybody freaked out

When they saw me

Because I never went out

They just couldn’t believe it

I stayed for an hour

But it just didn’t feel right

Didn’t feel like, me you know?

Being out like that

Being social

Pretending to be anyway

I just felt like a fraud

So I waited until the band was really going strong

Then I slipped out

Not sure anybody

Even noticed

Or if they did

They sort of--

They probably expected it

Everybody sort of knows

I keep to myself

That wouldn’t really surprise anyone

This time of year

When the weather gets better

I keep feeling

Like I’m being pulled

But I don’t know

What I’m being pulled towards

Because when I start to go

In any direction

That I’ve never been in before

It just feels wrong

It feels--

It could just be scary

Because it’s uncomfortable

Or whatever

But it seems like more than that

Sometimes I wish

Everybody--

And this is…

I don’t wish I were different

I just wish everybody else

Was the same way

I am

And I don’t mean that

In like, an, ego kind of way

I just--

I want to keep being me

And not feel so bad about it

Because of how nobody else

Seems to understand it

I just want to go home

And be happy being home

And not think that, like,

There are people out there

Doing things I should be doing

I just want us all

To be home safe, you know?

And to be happy about it

I want what makes me happy

To make everybody else happy too

Is that weird?

I wish I knew

If that

Was weird