Marta

When I was first coming 
up, there was this guy
 who was--uh--he was

 the toast of the town. 
 I mean, really. 

 They talked about him
 like he was

 Christ or something, it 
was that--uh--

it was to that extent, and,
 uh, sorry--

I’ve never really talked
 about this.  The

 guy--Jonathan--Jonathan Dover
--he passed away almost
 fifteen years ago, 

so--You’re talking about a
 whole generation

 now, who just--who don’t
 even know who

 he is, because, uh, well, 
he was only ever

 really known locally.  But 
he was a big hit

 around here. And, uh, 
when he first, uh, 

burst onto the scene--we 
sort of started 

at the same time, and, uh
--everyone was 

saying, ‘Oh, he’s not going
 to be around 

here for very long. He’s 
going to wind up

 in New York.  He’s going
 to go to London. 

 He’s going to be big. 
Jonathan’s going to

 be big. He’s going to
 take the world by 

storm. Just you watch. 
 Just you watch 

him do it.’

And, uh...he didn’t.

Now, at the same time, I
 was, uh, really 

working very hard, 
making my own art, 

and uh, I thought, putting
 out some good

 stuff.  And, uh, I had some
 people who

 liked me. Who would
 come to my shows,

 and, uh, cheer me on. 
People who, uh, 

liked what I was doing,
 but, uh, you know,

 there was only really 
room for one star at

 the time, and, uh, it was
 Jonathan.

And somehow--I forget 
how this happened, 

but--we wound up at a 
party?  At a party, I 

think? The two of us? 
 And so we met, and

 we talked, and, uh, we went
 home together. 

 He and I. And that seemed--
logical. To me. 

That we--I mean, in my 
head--this seems 

silly now, but--in my head, I 
thought we were

 equals.  That we were on the
 same level. 

 And, uh, you know, probably
 we were, but 

in terms of--how other people 
viewed us?

In reality it was, uh--Not 
at all.  Not even 

close.

But, you know, you can make
 yourself believe

 all kinds of things when 
you’re young.

So Jonathan and I--we 
began dating.  And 

then, uh, he got me pregnant. 
 We had a 

daughter--Bella.  Beautiful. 
Best thing, uh, 

you know, in my life. Of my life.
  And all the 

while, Jonathan is working. 
And people are

 fawning over his work, and,
 uh, I became--

Well, I was--that woman who’s
 dating Jonathan.

  Jonathan’s partner. Oh, 
that’s Marta.  She 

and Jon have a daughter
 together.

And when they would talk 
about my work, 

it was…

It was always linked to his. 
 So--even when

 I managed to get them to 
say something 

nice, it was--

Great piece of work by Marta,
 and by the 

way, have you seen what 
Jonathan is doing

 over at the Hemlock Gallery
 on the West 

Side?

By the way, why the hell did
 anybody think it

 was a good idea to name 
a gallery after a

 poison?

Over time, Jonathan got 
replaced by new

 It Boys, and even--and
 this really drove 

him nuts--It Girls.

And he became mean.  
Really mean. 

Not so much to me or 
Bella, but just--

mean, you know, in 
general.

Bella took off.  She went
 to Berlin.  

I think--Well, I know she 
wanted to be 

an artist, and I think she
 felt like there 

was no way she could do
 it around here

 with her father lording the
 shadow of his 

past over her at all times. 
 Forcing her to 

live up to his own unfulfilled
 goals.

But she and I were, 
uh--very close.

One day, she called me,
 and I was in my 

studio--it was in the
 garage of the house 

where we used to live, 
and, uh, I didn’t

 answer, because I was
 so--so invested

 in the work, in what I 
was doing--and I

 thought, Oh, I’ll call 
her back.

I’ll call her back.

One of her friends found
 her a few hours

 later.  She was…

It was sleeping pills.  She
 had, um…

And I don’t blame Jonathan
 for that.  I

blame myself for not
 answering the fucking

 phone, but I don’t blame
 Jonathan for, uh, 

uh--driving her away in
 the first place.

But I didn’t paint anymore
 after that.

Jonathan got sick, and I 
needed to, uh, 

focus on taking care of him. 
 And then 

when he died, I needed
 something to 

occupy my time, so, uh, I 
opened the 

gallery.  And I named it--
I named it after

 my daughter.

People were--I know 
some people were

 surprised that I didn’t
 name it after 

Jonathan, because they 
thought--

They thought he was the
 love of my life,

 and oh how tragic, that
 I was now the 

Widow of the Great Man,
 you know?

That was the story
 they liked.

I don’t blame them.

It’s a good story.

    (A beat.)

But it’s not true.

I hated him.

Even before Bella--

I hated that son-
of-a-bitch.

I would have murdered
 him back when

 we were younger, but
 I wasn’t brave 

enough, so I fucked
 him instead.

Sometimes...sometimes
 that’s the closest

 a woman can get 
to...to, uh…

Well, that probably 
doesn’t make any 

sense, does it?

You know, the first time
 I met Fiona, she

--she reminded me of
 Bella.

And so I liked her.

It was that simple.

It was also, uh, not a 
very good reason

 to...to do the sort of
 things for her that 

I did.  Giving her show
 after show, 

mentoring her, you
 know, all that, and uh--

Everybody thought it 
was because of 

who her mother was,
 and, uh, I sort of--

I sort of let them think
 that, because it 

was less embarrassing 
or less, uh, 

whatever, to let them
 think I was just 

being a star fucker--
a celebrity 

sycophant--
then a...then…

Then me, you know,
 trying to, uh, 

develop this, uh,
 relationship with

 someone just because
--just because

 they were, uh, that…

That they--I’m sorry.

    (She’s trying not to get upset.)

I’m sorry.

    (A beat.)

So Q is wrong.  That’s 
what I wanted

 you to know.  She’s 
wrong about me

 favoring Fiona--or 
she’s wrong about

 why I favored her.

And I can tell her she’s 
wrong, but I 

can’t tell her why.

But I understand her 
need for--revenge.

I think, uh, I think every 
artist--whether

 they want to admit it 
or not--just about 

every artist meets 
somebody on the 

way up that they’d
 like to take down.  

It’s very difficult to,
 uh, be successful 

and not make enemies.
 It’s hard on 

the top and it’s hard 
on the bottom. It’s

 really, uh--you learn 
that, as you get 

older--that it’s really not
 easy anywhere.

God knows why 
we do it.

And if you’re an artist 
and you can’t think

 of anybody that you’d
 like to, uh, shrink 

down to size a little
 bit, well--

That probably means
 a lot of people 

hate your fucking guts.