A Murder in Providence: Day Three

My daughter woke up
In the middle of the night
Screaming

I went into her room
And she was saying
'The girl, the girl'

And it wasn't like before
When it first started
And it...

Look, this is going to sound nuts
But it started a week before the murder
Before they found that woman
Floating in the river
In that pink dress

My daughter
My four-year-old daughter
Woke up
In the middle of the night
Screaming about a girl
A girl in the pool
A girl in a dress
A pink dress
She actually said
A pink dress
And the girl, she said
The girl needs help

I just thought it was a nightmare
An imaginary friend or something
That she'd made up
But she was crying so hard
I took her back to bed with me
So she could relax
And even then
She shook so badly
I thought about taking her to the hospital

That happened every night for a week
And then...

The night it happened
--And, keep in mind
I didn't know it was the night that it, you know, happened
I didn't know the girl
I didn't know anything...
I mean, about--the murder

I just knew that I'd started sleeping in the hallway
Right outside my daughter's room
Waiting for the, you know, explosion

And this night, I mean, on the night
The girl actually did drown
Or was killed
Or whatever

Nothing happened

I sat there
Listening
My ear pressed up against the door
Waiting to hear something
And...nothing

I thought, Oh thank, God
It's finally passed
This thing
This phase
It's over

We can go back to normal

I got up to go back to bed
And then...

I don't know what it was
But I stopped

They say 'dead in your tracks'
And I did
I stopped dead in my tracks
Because something...

...Wasn't right

I opened the door to my daughter's bedroom
And she was...

Oh God

She was soaking wet
Everything was

The bed
The floor
Her toys

Water dripping from the ceiling
I'm not kidding

I ran over to the bed
And pulled her to me

She was choking
There was water in her mouth

I grabbed her and ran downstairs
To the garage
Screaming the whole time
For somebody to call 9-1-1

I got her to the hospital
But by then, she was fine

She'd just swallowed some water

They told me a water pipe burst above her room
And some of the plaster in the ceiling gave way
And that's what happened

Easy explanation

But that was before we knew about the girl

The girl in the river

Now, my daughter talks to her
That girl

She doesn't know about the murder
She just knows she has a new friend
Who only she can see

I don't know what any of this means
I really don't

But it's strange, isn't it?

Don't you think it's strange?

Cooking for the Average Woman

Hello everyone

My name is Marjorie Follett

And  this is Cooking for the Average Woman

Goodness, it’s hot in here

Don’t y’all feel kind of warm?

I’m just going to take off this dress I’m wearing

And leave my cool, silk apron

Right where it is

--There!  That’s better

Now today, we’re going to make

A spring salad

And a nice, hot, spicy chili

With—

Phew, I’m getting sort of worked up

Just talking about that

That nice, hot, spicy chili

That you can eat on a nice, hot night

When the moon’s hitting your bare backside

As you slide seductively into a nearby pond

Or lake

Or even a kiddie pool

Depending on what you have

Because you’re an….average woman

Can’t you just see yourself

Making that spring salad

When all of a sudden

A strong pair of brawny arms

Sneaks up behind you

And wraps you up

Before you can take your diamond earrings off

So they don’t fall down the sink again

While he’s got you—

Ahh…hahaha…We should get working on that lobster

Oh, did I mention there’s lobster in the spring salad?

Well, of course there is

Otherwise it’s just lettuce

And who the hell wants to eat that?

Now, of course

I don’t know how to prepare lobster

My cook does that for me

But I’m sure you can buy it pre-cooked or something

And just toss it in the salad

The way you might toss your hair back

While those brawny arms

Grip your waist

The way a drowning man

Might grip a life-saver

In a turbulent sea

Oh God, now I’m thinking of sailors

Does anybody have a fan?

Or maybe somebody could just fan me?

I have some lettuce you could use

I’m not going to make the salad

Or the chili

I’ll just eat the lobster

And call it a day

…And you know what?

You should too

You’ve earned it

People eat too much these days anyway

And that’s your average woman lesson of the day!

I’ll see you tomorrow when we make Marjorie’s Wholesome Chicken Soup

It’s so good you just want to pour it all over yourself

And have somebody lick…

Uh, well—See you tomorrow!

God, it’s hard being average

Spirit

When someone asks me

What she gave me

I say

She defined

Spirit

For me

I know what a self is

And a soul

And an identity

I know what I’m made of

And who I’m part of

And what I’d like to be

She took a cloth

And washed my face

And suddenly my flaws

Were missing letters

In a crossword puzzle

Something that can be worked on

When Sunday afternoon rolls around

Spirit is elusive to me

I’m not sure

What it’s supposed to be

Is it what I love?

What I need?

What I’m built on

What I’ve faced?

Is my spirit battered?

Has it been broken

Like my heart?

Does it have wings?

Is it angelic?

Is it broad like a strong man’s shoulders?

Or small like a field mouse

Mild, yet proud

Does it mean something

To anybody

Other than me?

I didn’t know

But then she came along

And put her finger down on it

Like pointing out a page in a book

Simple as that

There it is

That’s you

And then—

One word later—

That’s me

And we can be two and one

And one doesn’t take from the other

You see?

That’s spirit

That’s what a spirit is

She gave that to me

Love?

You can love anybody

I can love chocolate cake

And I can love my mother

And I can fall out of it

Like water from a bucket

That’s got too much in it

But her?

She’s my spirit

She can never be

Too close to me

A Murder in Providence: Day Two

Did you hear about the prom dress?

She was wearing a prom dress

They found her floating in a river

In the prom dress

That’s more disturbing than it sounds

I mean, when they actually place a body on your table

And I mean, I’ve seen some stuff

I’ve seen some pretty uncomfortable stuff

But something about a twenty-six year-old woman

In a prom dress

Plus, you know, dead, is just—

But she wasn’t sexually violated

That’s the odd thing

She hadn’t been touched

She was pristine

Like a little doll

Even having been in the water

I mean, she wasn’t in it very long

But still—she shouldn’t have looked

As good as she did

Her make-up was messed up

But sort of—

It was like it was staged

Like she was doing an album cover or something

I remember thinking

She looked like Courtney Love

In the Celebrity Skin video

If that jogs anything for you

If you want to know how she was killed

It was suffocation

Somebody actually choked that woman to death

And if you know anything about

Psychosis or the criminal mind

You know that strangulation

Means you’re messed up

Like, really messed up

Because you have to look at the person

You actually have to look at them

When you’re doing it

You have to look into their eyes

And know that you are in control of them

You are slowly taking away their life

Second by second

And you have to keep doing it

You have to choose to keep going

To keep taking that life

And to either hate someone that much

Or to take such joy out of having that control

Of being able to play God

That…

Well, that’s a dangerous person right there

That’s somebody you have to look out for

I went home that night all messed up

Normally, I’m immune to getting upset

About what I see at work

But something about this—

That girl looked like a ghost, you know?

I mean, I felt like any minute

She was just going to open her eyes

And float right off the table

I walked through my front door

And my husband was sitting in the dining room

Eating dinner

He saw the look on my face

And he knew just what to do

He cleared off the table

Removed his clothing

Down to his underwear

And laid down for me

Just like how we’ve practiced

I walked over to him

And put my hand on his forehead

I said, ‘Thank you, babe

I’m really going to need this tonight’

Then I took my knife out of my bag

And went to work

The New Year's Resolutions of Angelina Jolie

I'd like to direct more
And speak more
And try to challenge this whole perception people have of me

That I'm..............................

............intimidating

I'd like to win another Oscar
But for Sound Design

I'd like to make that sequel to Girl, Interrupted
Where I kill Winona Ryder's character
And then go on the run
From the C.I.A.

I'd like Brad to stop doing this thing he does in bed
Where he brings me to heights of ecstasy
No mortal woman will ever know
So that I can feel the breath of angels
Dusting my face with a coating of joy
Only to finish
And then sleep in the guest room
Because my leg shakes when I sleep

I'd like to lose four...children
Not by death, of course
Just sort of...like could they just wander away?
Or be adopted by some other celebrity?
Like Sting?
Does Sting need children?

I don't necessarily want all four to go at once
But gradually
Over time
So that I don't even notice

Biological
Adopted
It's all the same to me

It's just...you know, even with nannies
There's just too many of them

I'd like to give up smiling
You might say, 'Angelina, you don't smile anyway!  You never smile!'
And I'd say, 'Children, you're giving Mommy a headache, please go away!
And stop calling me, Angelina.'

The truth is I smile once a night
Before I go to bed
Because I know I'll be lifted up to Paradise
By Brad
But even that's making a wrinkle appear
On the right side of my face
And it's unacceptable

Brad doesn't even have normal human genitalia, you know

It's more like a...wonderful, aerodynamic, buzzing wand
That searches for the weakest parts of a woman's true self
And makes them strong and...powerful

I'd like to quit exhaling
It just seems unnecessary to me

Science says it's impossible
But that's never stopped me before

I breathe underwater
I eat once a year
I haven't urinated since 2003

Why stop challenging myself now?

In my opinion,
Life is all about hearing somebody tell you that you can't do something
And then stealing their husband

Or something

Anyway, I have to go

I'm designing a set for a production of Ibsen's The Master Builder
In Bulgaria for this Asian director
You've never heard of

Ah well, another year
Another day

God, I'm such a philosopher
I really need to learn
To ease up on that

Wisdom can be so.............

...........heavy

The World Ended Last Year

Everyone said the world was going to end last year

…And they were right

Joe died last year

The world is over

For me anyway

For the kids

A man has a heart attack

And the world ends

Bet you didn’t know that could happen, did you?

Maybe you didn’t read the, uh, the what?

The prophesy

Maybe you didn’t read it right

Maybe the world wasn’t supposed to end for everybody

Maybe it was just supposed to end for me

For my family

Maybe I took the hit for the world

Did you ever think about that?

I look around now

And I feel like I’m in a science fiction novel or something

Like this is a parallel universe

Like people aren’t real

Like maybe Joe didn’t have a heart attack while he was driving

And went right into a ditch

Maybe instead a comet just hit the earth

And this is death

This is the Afterlife

This is Hell

Could that be possible?

So now I have conversations but I don’t talk and I’m not listening

People hug me and I don’t feel it

They give their condolences and I want them to die

I just want them to die

I want everybody to die

I want the world to end

Because it already has

It’s just that nobody else has noticed yet

A Murder in Providence: Day One

I saw the body

If that’s what you’re going to ask me

Then yes, I saw it

It was…

This sort of coldwater moment

Because I was so happy

In the moment

I remember happiness

Being so overjoyed

Because lying in the bed…

Uh…I live in these apartments

That overlook the river

Near the mall

You can see where they do Waterfire

It’s really nice

Kind of a pain

If you don’t like noise

But I don’t mind it

The noise, I mean

Anyway, lying in bed

Was this, uh, person

I spent the night with

And so I had just gotten up

And thrown on a bathrobe

Put the coffee on

I was going to start breakfast

And…

I looked out the window

And I saw…

I’m sorry

Uh…

This is…

Jesus

She was floating

In the river

She had this pink, sort of…

I guess it was a prom dress?

I mean, it looked like that

And she was floating on the river

Right past my line of, uh, sight

What I could see

If you’re looking for who did this

I can’t really offer much more than that

As soon as I saw what was going on

The body, I mean, I just—

Turned around

And, uh…

I went back to bed

I was shaking

I mean, my body was—

So I put my arms around…

The reason I didn’t say anything

Up until now

Is because…

I mean, what could I offer?

That I saw her

That I saw her

And just went back to bed?

I mean, maybe I could have called the police

Maybe she had just fallen in the river

But I didn’t think so

I didn’t think that was what happened

I knew it was…

I knew it was something bad

So I went back to bed

With this person who…

…Is not my spouse

That, uh, might also have something to do with the whole

Me-not-saying-anything

…thing

All those questions

Giving a statement

Being interviewed by the news

And I felt bad

I really did

Because that’s not me

Normally I’m very eager to help

In any situation

But then it exploded

You know, the whole town

The state

I mean, we were on the Today Show

Every day for a month

That’s unheard of for just, you know

A murder in Providence

But this was like…so much more

So I was kind of glad

I didn’t get involved

I didn’t even want to, you know, talk

About this

Because, it messed me up

I mean, it really did

I didn’t get out of bed for four days

The guy in the bed left

The person I’m married to came home

And was like—

‘Did you hear about the girl in the river?’

And I said, ‘No—

--No, I didn’t’

And in my mind, it felt true

I swear to God

It really did

It’s amazing what you can make yourself believe

If you turn away from the truth

Fast enough