Mariella's Farewell Party

I would talk to Gabriel about the divorce
Before he disappeared

He was our school janitor
And when I would arrive early at school

--Earlier than all the other kids because my dad's not around anymore to drop me off later so I can sleep in so I have to get to school when my mom goes to work which is sooo early and I hate it--

Um, yeah, so when I would get there early
Gabriel would be there cleaning the classroom
And he would ask how I'm doing

And that's how he got invited to my party
Even though he couldn't make it
Because I guess he ended up being a secret agent
Who had to go to Sweden
To kill the Emperor ruling there
Before he takes over Iceland

That's what Tony Mars told me

It's a shame
Because he would have fit in so well

I had other secret agents at my party
And ballerinas and painters
And a polar bear named Rudy
Who told jokes

It was a divorce party

I had it because I've been a little sad
About my parents getting a divorce
And I thought a party would make me feel better

But my birthday is a long way off
And there isn't any holiday to celebrate

So I decided to just celebrate the divorce
And not ignore the elephant in the room

Oh, I forgot!

The elephant's name is Nina
And she's really glad we all stopped ignoring her

My parents have been sending me to a therapist
Since the divorce began
And he's a little concerned
That I have, what he calls, 'imaginary' friends
At the age of eight
When most kids are past all that

Well, I'm past it too
But my friends
Are not
Imaginary

They're eccentric, yes
But hardly imaginary

(Eccentric was on my Dad's word-a-day calendar that he said I could keep at Mom's house--isn't it a nice word? It sounds like electric, but it means 'weird and wealthy.' If you're rich and crazy, you get to be eccentric. If you're poor and crazy, you get to be homeless. I'm not rich but I'm not poor either, so I don't know if I'm eccentric or not. Maybe tomorrow Daddy's calendar will have a new word for what I am.)

Unfortunately, my party ended up being
A farewell party
Because my therapist, Dr. Stanz
Told me that I need to release the things I'm holding onto
Rather than let myself go and embrace what I'm feeling

He told me that what I think are support systems
Are really just obstacles on my path of grief and healing
For my parents' shattered marriage

...I don't understand any of what I just said

I'm just really good at repeating things

I did understand that the point was
To get rid of all my imaginary friends
And because they've been soaking up so much of my time
I decided maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea
To take a little break from them

I knew Mariella would take it
The hardest of all

She's been my friend since I was a child
Plus we'd made plans to go to Vegas together
When I turn the big 1-0

At the same time
She's definitely been the least helpful
When it came to dealing
With the divorce

'Darling,' she says to me, 'I don't know why you're so upset! My parents got divorced before I was even born! My mother was on her third husband by the time I was four months old.'

She told me this while we were in my bedroom

I was doing my vocab words
And she was giving herself a smokey eye
In front of my closet door mirror

'And you didn't mind having all those stepdads, Mariella?'

'No, darling! I hardly even remember them. I only remember my mother, and she was spectacular. That's where I get it from!'

My mother is NOT spectacular

She's mean and nasty
And that's why my dad moved out

If she didn't yell at him all the time
He might have stayed

And now when I go over his house
It's sooo great

I get to stay up late
And eat whatever I want
And he buys me LOTS of presents

And then I come home
And have to do homework
And chores
And have no fun at all

Dr. Stanz says that my father isn't doing the right thing
By allowing me to do whatever I want
And that my mother is only trying to create a structured environment for me
But Mariella says--

'Structure?!?! Children don't need structure! They need small dogs and personal chefs!'

She said this after I came back
From a particularly grueling session
With Dr. Stanz

('Grueling' was another word in my dad's word-a-day calendar.)

Mariella and I were in the attic
Trying on old dresses
That belonged to my grandmother
And acting our scenes
From 'Great Expectations'
Which I found in the downstairs bookshelf
And have been engrossed in--another word-a-day--ever since

Mariella's little dog Stanley was with us
And when she clicked her tongue
He jumped into my arms
And I giggled because Stanley is so tiny!

Maybe Mariella is right, I thought
Maybe all I need is a dog like Stanley
And a man named Hugo
To make me scrambled eggs
Whenever I want

But then I talked to Gabriel about Mariella
And he said that even though she sounded fun
She doesn't have kids
And so she doesn't know
How hard it must be for my mom
To have to take care of me now
While she's still sad about my dad

He said part of growing up
Is growing past some people
And keeping the right people with you

'Which one of those people would Mariella be,' I asked
'I don't know, Miss,' he said, 'You have to figure that out yourself. That's another part of becoming a young lady.'

I'd prefer not to become a young lady

Tony Mars googled "young ladies" for me
And the images I saw were startling

I don't like frilly dresses
I don't like holding teacups with only two fingers
And I don't think I could balance a book on my head
Even if I really wanted to

'Great Expectations' is so big
I would probably have an indentation on my forehead afterward

(Indentation--Word-a-day)

After I talked with Gabriel
I met Mariella for lunch
In my basement

We both ate our usual
Peanut butter sandwiches
With the crusts cut off

And I mentioned that I saw my Mom crying
When I walked by her bedroom

She was sitting on the edge of her bed
With her head in her hands
Just crying

And it didn't even look like
She was crying ABOUT anything

Just crying

'Oh Faith!' Mariella said, 'Why do you always have to kill my mood? Why can't we talk about fun things?'

'But Mariella,' I said, 'I think my mom is really upset and that's upsetting me.'

'Well, it shouldn't' Mariella said, 'Moms aren't supposed to cry. And they're not supposed to upset you. They're supposed to do things for you and make you happy. I think your mother is being entirely too selfish, Faith, and I think you should inquire about emancipating yourself and moving with me to Tokyo this summer.'

Normally the thought of moving anywhere with Mariella
Would set my heart racing
But this time, I was just mad

I felt bad for my mom
Maybe I didn't have to
But I did

And I didn't like Mariella saying she was selfish
When she took all that time
To cut the crusts off our sandwiches
Even though she was sad

That's when I decided to take Dr. Stanz's advice
And bid a...temporary...farewell to Mariella

The party was just grand

I held it in my classroom before school
So that Gabriel could attend
But by then he was already fighting the good fight
In the tyrannical empire of Sweden

I just didn't know it at the time

Everyone was having a great time

Mariella was discussing her trip to Tokyo with me
With the waltzing gorilla

'Pogo, you should come WITH us! They just adore dancing primates in Japan. They're all the rage!'

When it was time to make my big announcement
I walked up to the front of the classroom
And cleared my throat
To get everyone's attention

I chose my words carefully
And explained how I'm growing into an adult now
And I have to start acting like one
And that means spending less time with eccentric friends
And more time with stupid kids my own age like Holly and Fat Pants

I could see that some people were upset
But I couldn't see Mariella
Because she was standing behind Nina the elephant

When I finished my speech
There was silence
And then a few people clapped
And everybody went back to their conversations

I went outside to the playground
To see if I could find Mariella

She was sitting on one of the swings
And I sat down next to her

'I knew divorce would change you,' she said, 'It changed my third husband, Arthur. He became a parakeet.'

We sat there for a little while
And then she said--

'I suppose I can cancel one of the plane tickets to Tokyo.'
'I thought you were taking Pogo?'
'She can fly in the cargo bay. They don't let waltzing gorillas into first class. Only the ones that can foxtrot.'

I started to cry

I knew I was going to have to leave Mariella
But I was going to miss her terribly

It's hard to lose your family
And your best friend
All in one year

Then I felt Mariella put her arm around me

'Darling,' she said, 'Don't cry. It ruins your make-up.'
'I'm not wearing make-up, Mariella.'
'But you could be,' she said.

Then she got behind me
And gave me a push
And I went up in the air
Over the entire playground

When I came back down to her
She held the swing back for a bit
And said--

'You won't forget me, will you?'
'Never,' I said, 'Never, ever, never.'

I could feel her smile
And she said--

'Then let me give you a little farewell present.'

She pushed me again
And this time I went even higher than before

I went above the playground
Where Stanley was digging a hole
In the sandbox
And pulling out bits of the Great Wall of China

I went above the town I live in
And I could see my house
And my mom who was making dinner
And laughing about something
I don't know what
But I was glad to see her laughing

And I could see my dad's apartment
Where he was hanging a picture
Of me and him
Right in his living room

And I could see all my friends
And my teacher
And I could see Dr. Stanz in his office
And I could even see Gabriel
Sitting on his throne
As the new Emperor of Sweden

Then I went even higher
Above time itself

And I looked down and saw me
All grown up
Standing in a beautiful bedroom
With a book on my head
And a goofy grin on my face
And a little girl laughing at me

A little girl who looked just like me

And I heard Mariella saying--

'See darling, see? You're going to be spectacular.'

And I did see
I saw it all

And when I looked down at the little girl
Who looked like me
I realized she wasn't laughing at grown-up me
Acting silly

She was looking past me
Out the window of her bedroom
Down into her backyard
Where there was a giant swimming pool

Where Mariella was laying
Comfortably at the bottom
Stanley right beside her

She was looking up at the little girl
Smiling, with open arms
Inviting her to come in
And join the party