Harry Honks His Horn

Harry has lost his horn

He hasn't really lost it
It's still there

Staring at him

Begging to be pushed

But he has been told
By his therapist
That he has to relinquish
His horn

Why, he asked

Why can't I honk?

Because, she--Dr. Thomas--said, Because

Because
Because
Because

You have to find better ways

Better
Yes
Better
Yes
Better

--ways of controlling your anger

But the horn was put there
For anger

It was put on a car
To express rage
At the constant barrage of stupidity
That pervades roads and highways
And other transport areas

There is no other purpose for a horn
Than to alert stupid people
That they are stupid
And should immediately cease being stupid
At least temporarily
So as not to cause a collision

But still, Dr. Thomas--

Bitch
Bitch
Bitch

--says 'No'

No horn
No honking
No hollering out the car window either

In case Harry were to get clever

He was only allowed to breathe
And recite the alphabet
Until he'd calmed down

That must have been how he wound up hyperventilating
While sitting in rush hour traffic
Making up alphabet letters
And drifting into a fog
Of suppressed fury

He saw his father
Who taught him to drive

His father would slam his hand on the horn
From the passenger seat
Scaring Harry
Because most of the time
He wouldn't even know
Why his father was honking

'GODDAMN FUCKING PRICKS IN THE CARPOOL LANE AREN'T EVEN FUCKING CARPOOLING!'

Honk
Honk
Honk

His father didn't just honk in the car

He honked at the dinner table
By slamming his hands down
On the sides of his plate

Making the mashed potatoes
Leap into the air

'STOP PLAYING AROUND WITH YOUR FUCKING FOOD, HARRY! I'LL PUT YOUR FUCKING NOSE OUT IN THOSE PEAS!'

He honked his horn
Out in the backyard
When Harry was mowing the lawn

By stomping his foot
Down into the grass
Making an indentation
Where nothing would grow
Ever again

'YOU'RE DOING A FUCKING TIC TAC TOE JOB, HARRY! OUR FUCKING GRASS LOOKS LIKE THE GODDAMN HOLLYWOOD SQUARES!'

He honked his horn
The day he died

Ripping the IV out of his arm
And punching the call button
Next to his hospital bed

'THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR HAVING A FUCKING NURSE DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK GODDAMN ENGLISH'

Harry loved his father

He loved him
And he didn't care
That he honked

To him
That was Dad

That was just Dad

. . . . .

Now here he was in traffic
Close to being divorced
Because his wife was not his mother
And would not stand
For jumping mashed potatoes
At her dinner table

His children wouldn't speak to him
They did not love his honking
And they did not love him
And they were both mere years away
From college, which meant leaving home
Which meant if he didn't want to die
Alone in a hospital room
He would have to learn to go without his horn

It wasn't fair

His father got to be a horn-honking asshole
Who left this earth with a loyal family by his side
And a plaque from the company he worked for
Praising him for good customer service

While Harry was only half the asshole his father was
But was somehow given a fate much, much worse

Sins of the father was expected
But why did a father's good fortune
Never seem to go past the father?

Harry stared at his horn

He stared at it
Wanting it
Needing it
Desiring it

Like an oasis full of naked women
He wanted to dive into that horn
And spread out a loud obnoxious sound
So strong in volume
It would spread across space and time
And reach his father
Somewhere on another plane somewhere

But instead he got out his phone
Feeling fine about it
Since he was hardly driving
But rather
Ambling
An inch or two forward
Every two hours

He called his wife
And told her
That he couldn't do it

He couldn't go without his horn

And she told him he could
Because when they got married
He used to whisper
Better than any man
She ever met

He whispered love to her
While they danced their first dance
After being man and wife

And he whispered promises to their children
Late at night
When they'd wake up crying

And he whispered to her
When his dad died
That he loved him
Even though he shouldn't

She told him he didn't need his horn
And he only started using it
Once his dad died
And now he needed to stop
And learn to whisper again

And so he whispered

He whispered that he was mad
He was so mad and he didn't know why
And he was scared of being alone and quiet
With all that anger

And his wife

His wife
His wife
His wife

She told him to scream

She said, 'Scream then, Harry. Go ahead and scream.'

But when he went to scream
He found he had no voice

He had no breath
He had no noise
He had no right

So he just sat there
And listened to his wife say--

'I'm here Harry'

Here
Harry
I'm here

And he took a deep breath

'I can hear you, Harry. I can hear you. You're okay'

And his head fell down lightly
Right against the horn

Barely making a sound