Until Matt Came Out

Until my brother Matt came out
My parents didn't know
I liked boys with bad habits

They didn't know that a guy with a motorcycle
Could get me in bed
On the first date

Or that I quit my job
At Dairy Queen
To go work at Shade's nightclub

I had to rat out my dad
And tell my mom he went there
So she would forbid him
From going there
So he wouldn't see me

I told her my friend saw him walk in there
But it was actually me

I was about to head in for my interview
And I saw him sitting down
Getting extra special service
From a girl who would later teach me
How to get double the tips
With half the effort

My parents didn't know any of that
Until Matt came out

Until my brother told them
That he was gay

They thought I was simply a straight-A student
Heading to school to go pre-law
And one day take care of them
In their old age

They didn't know that I quit school
To sit around my apartment
And write short stories
And chain smoke
And fuck my bitchy roommate's boyfriend
While she was at work

They didn't know that I spent my student loan money
On a trip to Reno
And cigarettes
And a tattoo

They didn't know that I fucked my second cousin
At Cousin Christy's wedding

They didn't know that I gamble
That I take risks
That I'm risky
That I'm lazy
That I don't care
About any of the above

Until my brother Matt came out
And had my parents love revoked
They thought I was the perfect daughter
And Matt was the perfect son

But once he came out
He got shut out
And put out
And I became their favorite

...For about five seconds...

Then I made my confessions

And by the end

A gay son
Didn't seem so bad