Towards Seattle

I was dating two people once
Who were dating each other

It was a mystical
Our three souls
Joined together
Albeit briefly

Then one found out about the other
And the other fond out about the other
And suddenly I'm standing on their lawn naked
Watching their shadows have make-up sex
Through the purple curtains in their living room

Do you work out here often?

I come here all the time

It's way better than my last gym

Every time I went there
I ended up in a six-month relationship

I just find sweat incredibly intimate

Everyone at my last gym
Thought I was a whore
But they all wanted to sleep with me

The dichotomy of want people want
And what they want to appear to want
Always amazes me

I was only supposed to be here for two months
But then I ended up staying here
Mainly because as soon as your one-weekend trip
Carries over into Monday
You have to get an apartment
Otherwise you risk being 'staying on my friend's couch' guy

And that was a guy
I couldn't be

I was headed towards Seattle

That's where my best friend Ari lives
And we were going to live together
And open up a bagel shop or something
But once she got out there
She ended up dating this guy
Who wanted her to dj with him
So now she's a dj or something
And I can't get behind that

God, I gotta get my legs to where my arms are

Right now my legs are in good shape
But my arms are just--I don't know

Have you ever been assaulted?

It's really invigorating
When done right

I got mugged the other night
And it really gave me some great ideas
For poems and crap

Good stuff

Aside from the violence
And the fact that he got away
With my trumpet

I was taking it to get repaired
So now I guess he'll have to get it repaired
Which is going to suck for him

He's probably the only mugger
Who technically walked away
With less than what he started with

Sometimes I send letters to Ari

Not so much letters
As pictures of me
Pissing on random things

...Like photos of us...

I basically send her photos
Of me peeing on photos of her

I can't really see her getting mad at me for it
Since she was always really turned on by paradox

It was, like, her thing in college

I would always be at the gym
Falling in love with people
And she would always be at the dorm
Playing with a Rubik's Cube
Drinking protein shakes
And eating steamed vegetables

It was frustrating

. . . . .

I miss Ari sometimes

Sometimes all the time

She called me a few months ago
And told me I was reckless

She said I was reckless with myself

That I have no focus
That I can't connect
That I don't have a path

I told her my path is clear
It's towards Seattle

There's so much amazing shit in Seattle
And it's not going anywhere
So why go there now?

It's okay here

I mean it's nothing here
It's just...here

It's not New York
It's not London
It's surely not Seattle

But it's towards it

But when I get to Seattle
That'll be it, you know?

There's a kind of paradise here
Because it's so clearly not paradise

I can do whatever I want here
Because it's like a parallel universe

I can have relationships with married couples
And make love on a treadmill
And eat pizza every night
Like I'm nineteen
Like I'm twelve
Like I'm not even real

I haven't started living yet

So everything I do here
Is just prologue

You know?

It's previous
To what I will
Be doing

It's just...

I'm thinking what if I get stuck here, you know?

How long can a prologue really be?

One day I'll be out there
And I'll open the bagel shop by myself
Or a poetry cafe
Or whatever

And I'll be real
You know?

It'll start

I'll be pumping out chapters
Of life and productivity
And actual reality

Until then I'm going to keep working out
And eating pizza
And, you know...

...Waiting

And every morning I'll get up
And do some yoga
And look out the window
Towards downtown

And I'll be looking towards Seattle

I still feel like...

Like I'm still on my way