Anna in Austria

This one is from my ex-boyfriend in Providence

He lived in a slanted apartment
On College Hill

I remember keeping a glass of water by his bed
And falling asleep looking at it
Marveling at how the water in the glass
Was leaning to one side

It felt like living in the clouds

I guess technically we were
We were in college after all

Dylan and I differed in almost every way
I think the only reason we stayed together
Is because I was the only person he ever met
Who understood his mother

Including him

She and I used to talk about trips we wanted to go on
Places we wanted to see

We'd be sitting up in her kitchen until all hours of the night
While Dylan would be asleep in the living room
Failing once again to make it through 'Lawrence of Arabia'
And Katherine, his mother, would lean across the table
Put her hand on mine
And say--

'I'm glad you're with my son'

Sometimes I think what she wanted to say was--

'I wish you were my son.'

or

'I wish my son were more like you.'

Dylan was timid
He was...careful

Katherine was like me
Hasty and happy

A great quality for a friend
That you get coffee with every few months
In between her trips to Paris

But a lousy kind of mother, I suppose

This is the letter from Dylan

It says he's in Dublin

He doesn't say what he's doing there
But you can tell he's specifically not saying what he's doing there
Because he wants me to believe he's changed
That he's now the sort of person
Who would just BE in Dublin

I admit, I am curious

Maybe he was on his way to somewhere nice like...Massachusetts
And a tornado swept his plane across the Atlantic

That's the only way I can imagine someone like Dylan in Dublin

He says he's doing well
That he's taken up...mountain climbing

Do they have mountains in Dublin?

Well, either way
He's going to find one
And climb it
And then he says--

'If you're ever in this area, we should get a drink.'

Poor Dylan

No concept of geography

He probably thinks Austria and Ireland
Are as close as New Hampshire and Vermont

He thinks since we're both in Europe
We must be just a stone's throw away

He's got a very Rhode Island frame of mind

When I told my father I was living in Austria
He said--

'A girl I taught that graduated last year is living in Austria. Do you know her? Her name is Emily.'

I wanted to say--

'Yes, Daddy, as a matter of fact, she's sitting right next to me. There's barely any room left in this country.'

But instead I just let him move on to the next topic

This letter is from my father

He's taking a group of students to Barcelona
And he wants to know how many shots I had to get
Before I came here

I'm sure I did get shots
But I don't actually recall it happening

Then again, I was very, very, very inebriated
When I boarded the plane to Austria

I had been on a drinking spree for four days straight
After I broke up with Dylan

At one point, I remember waking up
On the west side of Providence
In the street

Actually IN the street

A pair of stopped headlights is what woke me up

The driver helped me to my feet
And then asked me if I wanted a ride somewhere

Instead of answering, I ran

Luckily I ended up only being a few blocks
From the apartment of this girl
Who was in a creative writing class with me

Her name was Anna C. Mulishnik
And she had a ticket to Austria...

She told me she didn't want to go to Austria
But she had a spot in the writer's colony here
And she felt obligated to go
Because they only choose twelve people at a time
For each session

I said, 'Well, where do you want to go, Anna?'
And she said, 'I want to go to Las Vegas.'

Anna was from Poland
She had a thick accent
And lovely blonde hair

I imagined her actually turning into dust
Under the Las Vegas sun

'Vegas,' I said, 'Why do you want to go to Vegas?'

The way she blushed
I knew it was because of a man

'Her name is Jenna,' she said

Obviously I missed the mark
But not by much

Jenna and Anna had first started talking
When Anna's writing professor recommended they get in touch

He said Jenna's writing was similar to Anna's
And that they would benefit
From--I don't know, comparing notes, I guess?

Anyway, once they started talking and skyping
Anna fell head over heels

The only problem is that Jenna was dating this guy Robert
And they were moving all over the place
Until finally Robert broke things off in Chicago
And now Jenna was through with men
And was headed to Las Vegas to spend her life savings
And begin a career as a showgirl by night, writer by day

And Anna wanted to meet her there

But she felt guilty throwing away
Such a lucrative opportunity

So instead she threw it at me
And I became Anna C. Mulishik

It was a crazy idea, I know
But we didn't look all that much different
Especially once I dyed my hair
And let my tan fade

And when I suggested this
I was still drunk and probably high
And definitely looking for a reason
To leave town as soon as possible

So Anna became Emma
And Emma became Anna the Writer in Austria

The last person I saw before I left was Katherine

This is a letter from Katherine

She's living with Dylan's father
A poet, a man he never met
In a little apartment in Paris
And she's pregnant

Don't you just love it
When life starts taking on the shape
Of a really implausible movie?

The last time I saw her
It was past midnight
And my flight was leaving
Early the next morning

I sat at her table
And we drank wine
And ate stuffed mushrooms
From some party she'd come back from
And we talked about me leaving

It was sort of like a living funeral

I discussed the woman I was
And who I was planning on being

And Katherine said--'I think I'll go to Paris.'

I didn't ask her why

People moving has a way of inspiring others to move
Regardless of why the initial people are moving

I was moving because as far as I was concerned
Emma was both dead and on a flight to Vegas
To be with the woman she loved

I looked at Katherine
And imagined what my mother would have looked like
If she had made it to Katherine's age

She died in a car accident
When I was five

Snowy Vermont road
Visiting her mother
On the way home to see me

Like the first five minutes of a scary movie, isn't it?

Except the movie became my life

Although it wasn't all bad
Dad was good
Dylan was good
Katherine was good

But good just got old, you know?

And I was only a few years away
From passing by my mother
From where she'd been locked in time

And I was still very much five years old
And not getting any younger

I thought if I propelled myself in another direction
Maybe I'd wind up moving ahead in some way

Maybe that's what Katherine wanted to do too

We sat there sipping wine
And defrosting frozen pizza from the fridge

And like she'd done before
She reached across the table
Touched my hand
And said--

'It's going to be all right, Emma.'

And I closed the eyes
And pretended it was my mom saying it
Calling me by my name
For the last time