Talia and the Glow Sticks

Talia quit the Glow Sticks

It's not exactly news, per se
I mean, not really
You know?
Not really news

I mean, because, see
Talia was the last of the original Glow Sticks
Which means the Glow Sticks
As they were at their best
In the beginning
Which many people agree
Was their BEST
And which means
You see
That the Glow Sticks broke up
YEARS ago

The drummer left to become a magician

Talia used to catch him on the tour bus
Trying to pull a rabbit out of the snare
And it was rumored that she loved him
And that they had a thing
And she made him choose
Between her and magic
And he chose magic

Which you can't really blame him
Because magic is an intangible thing
Which means it might not even be real
Which means it's perfect
And Talia, though a lead singer
Was not perfect

She had that minor addiction to gambling
Which she kept in check
By playing Bingo on the bus
Using a small plastic ball dispenser
That the drummer made disappear into thin air
On a tour stop in Debargo

'Jesus, Kris! Where the hell are my balls?'

The guys started laughing
Until Talia punched the drummer in the stomach
And then the balls popped out of his mouth
Which made the guys laugh even harder

The Glow Sticks weren't the most serious rock band, after all

Their first album was titled 'Pop It'
And it was full of bubblegum drum beat hook chorus ditties
Like--

'He's Kinda Awesome'

And

'My Extra Value Meal'

Which actually was about an Extra Value Meal
And not some guy Talia liked

When the drummer left
To open a magic show in Vegas
Entitled

'Watch My Balls'

Talia enlisted her best friend, Skyper
To be the band's new drummer

This would have been fine
Except for the fact that Skyper
Couldn't form a grip
Due to a birth defect
And so he had to play with his feet

This led to the band's unique sound on their second album--

'Playing With Our Toes'

Arguably the most artistically successful
The band ever produced

It was gritty and raw
A far cry from their first album
And it included the now classic tracks--

'You Left Me for Your Vegas Balls'

And

'Get a Grip (Seriously, Why Can't You Get a Grip? Oh Right, Your Birth Defect. That's Messed Up.)'

The latter has the distinction of having the most words in a parentheses
In any song title
In history

Before they could record their third album
The guitarist and the bassist left the band
Over a dispute with Talia
Regarding money

Talia felt they should be paid three times less than her
Because they were--to quote her interview with Spin:

'Way less awesome than me.'

Some say Talia's ego was out of control
Because of the huge success that came with the release of the second album

Talia herself was quoted in Rolling Stone saying--

'My ego is totally out of control. It's because of success that came with the release of the second album. Plus, I'm really awesome. Way more awesome than the bassist and the guitarist.'

The aforementioned bassist and guitarist
Formed their own band, called--

Screw Talia

Which may or may not have been a reference
To their dispute with Talia

They released one album
A commercial and artistic flop
And then they moved to Nevada
Where they raise iguanas

Talia chose not to replace them
But rather keep the band a trio

Unfortunately the sound of just a singer, a drummer who uses his feet
And a keyboard player who, it was discovered, was actually just a puppet

(Brought onboard when the drummer thought he might want to add ventriloquism into his act)

Did not light the charts ablaze

The Glow Sticks' third album

'Me, My Puppet, and the Foot'

Was a huge disappointment
And shortly thereafter
The puppet left the band
To join the drummer in Vegas
Now that the act was ready for him

The Foot stayed on
And Talia brought on a group of junior high students
To make up the rest of the band
In the hopes that it would appeal to the younger crowd

The Glow Sticks attempted to return to their roots
With their fourth album--

'We're Cool Again!'

But alas, twas a misnomer

The album charted at...

Well, actually, it didn't chart

Talia's mom bought one copy
And that was about it

Two of the junior high students admitted to Entertainment Weekly--

'We haven't even listened to it, because it's sooo lame.'

And so Talia quit the Glow Sticks
Or was thrown out
Depending on who you ask

The remaining members of the band
Held a reality show competition to find her replacement
But they ended up using the puppet
Who found Vegas to be a cruel and heartless town
After the drummer kicked him out of the show

The new Glow Sticks renamed themselves--

We Used to Be the Glow Sticks

But the new name didn't do much
To reignite interest

As for Talia, she released a few jazz albums
And a spoken word album entitled:

'Where the Hell is the Music?'

It would also become the title of her autobiography

There is a rumor that the Glow Sticks will be reuniting for a summer tour

(This rumor was most likely started by the Foot)