Charlie's Cheerleader

It was, um, gosh
Like, after senior prom?

Junior prom?

I don't, wow
You know

You'd think I'd remember
But...

I moved to New York
After high school
And then high school
Just sort of started
Blurring together

The lines, I mean

Blurred

So, senior prom
Probably
Because junior year
I remember...

I mean, Charlie really wasn't on my, uh, radar

See, I was a cheerleader
And he was, uh--

Because he was, well--

I think junior year
He did drama club

But then senior year
He went all Goth
And I was kind of into that?

I mean, I wouldn't admit to it
But I was

I was kind of into it

Oh, and I was also sort of into this girl
Who lived next to Charlie
Who I guess became a lesbian
Even though I'm a not a lesbian?

The idea just sort of appeals to me?

Like, I'm attracted to the idea?

Um, so, we were all out
After senior prom
At this diner in town
And the boys

The boys on the soccer team

I mostly dated them
Even though we cheered for everybody
You know cheerleaders
Are very
Democratic
In that way

Uh, but I would date the soccer players
And we were all at the diner
After prom
And the boys
Kept trying to get the waitress
To sit down at our booth
But she wouldn't
And they knew that
And that's why they kept trying to get her to sit down
Because she wouldn't
Because she said it breaks some rule of waitress-ing
And so the boys were laughing really hard
And I felt really bad for the waitress
Because I couldn't even leave her a good tip
Because I was in a dress, like, I had no money on me
And the boys were going to pay for everything
But I knew they weren't going to tip
And they were giving her a hard time
Like she was one of those guards at Buckingham Palace
You know, that don't move
Even when you yell at them
Except, she's not, you know?

She's a waitress

And then I hear--

'Hey'

And I turn around
In the booth
And Charlie's standing there
Like, not in a tux
Because he didn't go to prom
Because he's Goth, you know
Goths don't believe in prom
It's against their religion

But he's like--

'Hey, leave her alone'

Meaning, the waitress
And I...

I don't know
I sort of thought it was cool
That he would try to be
You know, valiant
Like that

(I remember thinking 'valiant' because I remember we were reading 'Three Musketeers' in English right before finals and 'valiant' pops up when you talk about that.  The word 'valiant.')

The boys kinda went back
To talking about shit boys talk about
And I saw Charlie get up and leave
And so I excused myself
To go to the ladies room
But I didn't

Instead I went outside
Looking for Charlie

And he was walking

He was walking
Home, I guess?

So I caught up to him
And we just kinda walked
And then I asked him if he knew who I was
And he said 'Yeah, you're a cheerleader'
And I said, 'Yeah, and you're Charlie'
And that kinda made him laugh
And then...

I just remember...

It's blurry, you know?

I remember we wound up at this park
This park that was, like
Not really a park
But like a park because there's a statue
Of the guy who founded the town
And when you have a statue
You have to have a park

So we were on this bench
In this park
And I think I kissed him

I'm pretty sure
Because I don't think
Charlie would have kissed me

And then--

It was a kind of rainy night
Like, it wasn't raining
But there was rain in the air, or something?

And we...

We made love

Had sex

Whatever

There was a gazebo
And we went in there
And--

I don't why nobody caught us
But they didn't
And it was...

It was actually really nice

It was...um, it was my first time
And it was really nice
Charlie was...

Really nice about everything

Then we graduated and I moved to New York
And...

I never told him about the baby

There really wasn't, um
Much to tell, I guess?

I was in New York
I wasn't going to have a baby
That night was the only night
I'd ever even talked to Charlie
And when it was over
I just put my clothes on
And he walked me home
And that was it

My date from that night
Never even asked me what happened
And we were sort of dating

I know when girls
Take care of a pregnancy
The way I did
They tell you they think about the baby all the time
But I don't

I really don't

But I do think about Charlie
And how nice he was
And how he would have made a good dad, I bet
And how I would tell him that
If I could

I would tell him it wasn't because of him
That I didn't have the baby
It was because I was in New York
And I wasn't a cheerleader anymore
And I wasn't a mother either
And I wasn't sure what I was going to be
But I wasn't going back home
And that's where he was
And I...

Yeah

I don't think about any of that stuff anymore
School, the prom, the diner, the soccer team

But I think about Charlie

I think about Charlie
All the time