Charlie's Umbrella

I saw Charlie standing at the bus station
With no umbrella

I was heading to the store
To bite the bullet
And buy a new computer
Since mine bit the dust
The night before
Just as I was putting the finishing touches
On my paper for English class

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
The literary equivalent
Of a bag of jelly beans

Welcome to the life of a UCLA student

When I saw Charlie at the bus stop
He reminded me of a little kid
Right after they hop out of a swimming pool

You know the way little kids shiver
When their whole bodies just shake

That was Charlie

And I guess he wasn't much more of a little kid
He was only a little bit younger than me
But that's something I would find out later

I walked up to him
And asked him
If he had an umbrella

He said 'No'

I asked him where he was headed
And he said he didn't know

He said he didn't have a place to stay yet
But he'd figure it out

I told him you don't figure anything out in L.A.
You're supposed to figure that stuff out
Before you get here
So you can get here and realize
You're screwed in spite of what you figured out

Then I asked him if he knew anything
About fixing computers

And he said he worked at a computer repair shop
Before coming to California

I didn't entirely buy that
But I put my umbrella over him all the same
And we started walking back to my place

I'd like to let you know
That I had no romantic aspirations
For Charlie

He was cute, don't get me wrong
But when the last two guys you've dated
Have given you a combined total
Of five black eyes
You start to distrust your taste in men

I shouldn't even have been bringing Charlie home
But something about him
Just seemed...fine

You know, like there was this voice telling me--

Help him out

It'll be fine

So we go back to my place
And it's still raining
And I give him an old sweatshirt
That one of the ex-assholes left at my place
To put on while his shirt dried

Oh, and a pair of my pink unicorn pajama pants

Once he changed
There was no chance of sex

It's impossible to look at a man in pink unicorn pajamas
And want to do anything
But give him a manicure

I made some chicken soup from the can
And we sat in my living room
With Jeopardy on
While he fixed the computer

Eating soup
Talking

I even made a list
Of the other things I could have him fix
If the rain didn't let up

He ended up being a really nice guy

I asked him why he moved to L.A.
And he said it was the farthest he could think to go
Without having to take a plane

Apparently he was afraid of flying

I got one of my grandma's blankets
From out of the closet
And took the quilt off my bed
And I slept on my couch that night
While he slept on the floor

I know, the floor, right?  Wasn't I a great hostess?

I just liked...looking at him, I guess

A good man is like a masterpiece

You know one when you see it
And when you see it
You don't want to stop looking at it

At one point I think my hand fell down off the couch
And his fingers reached up
And touched mine

It was a nice little moment

It's funny how long you can live off those moments

Charlie was gone when I woke up the next day
Left me a thank you note on my computer keyboard
And wouldn't you know
That damn thing was still running
When I traded it in for a laptop
A few years ago

I never had a lousy boyfriend after that night
I held out for a guy like Charlie
And, I guess you could say, because of Charlie
I knew what to look for

There are times where I wish
I'd heard from him
So I could say 'thank you'

I'm sure my husband would say 'thank you' too
If he knew about Charlie

But I never told him

Charlie's always been
My little secret