Charlie's Secret Admirer

I had a crush on Charlie
When we were in college

We took a class today

'Human Sexuality'

The class was not as exciting as it sounds

Mostly we looked at photos
Of all kinds of human genitalia
And then talked about it

You ever spend two hours
Talking about Fallopian tubes?

It kind of takes all the mystique away
From the human sexual experience

But the class was worth it for me
Because I got to see Charlie

He would sit in the third row
And blush, just blush
Throughout the entire class

It was the cutest thing you ever saw

Then one day
Class is over
And I'm getting ready to leave
When Charlie walks up to where I'm sitting
And asks me if I'll tutor him
Because he's flunking the course

The poor guy was flunking sex

Tell me that's not a red flag

Still, I didn't care
I offered to help


And we would meet in the library
Every Tuesday around one
Right before class
To go over the different parts
Of the male anatomy


I used to try and say all the words
In a sensual tone of voice
To see if I could get him excited


'Tessssssticles.'
'Scrooootum.'
'Vasssss deferensssss.'

Nothing did the trick

Except one time
He did pass out for a few minutes

Charlie ended up getting a 'C' in the course
And he even bought me a little journal
With one of those expensive pens
As a 'thank you' gift
For helping him pass

I would have settled for dinner
And some couch time
But that's the kind of girl I was back then

I can't tell you much about Charlie
But I can tell you one thing

Whatever girl finally got him
To stop blushing
Must have been one hell of a woman