Charlie's Son

If you asked my mother
She'd tell you
That she terminated me

That she terminated
The pregnancy

Me

But...

That's not entirely true

Actually, it's not at all true
I'm just uncomfortable
Calling my biological mother
A total liar

But I guess she is
In that sense

She was a cheerleader
At Charlie's school

That's all I know about her
That she was a...cheerleader

And I guess
She became an interior designer or something
Which is fine
I mean, that's...

I kind of hoped
That my biological parents
Would be famous

I know, it's a sort of 'Orphan Annie' way of thinking, but...

I've always really liked performing
And my adopted parents were shy
So, I just thought...

Charlie didn't know about me
He didn't even know about the pregnancy

I only know what happened
Because I found my aunt
My biological aunt
And she gave me this box off stuff
My mother kept
While she was alive

She died when she was fifty
Of an undiagnosed heart condition

One of those fluke things, you know?

I got checked out for it

Once I found out

About the condition, you know?

But I don't have it

So maybe Charlie did?

Anyway, in the box was this diary
And that's how I found out about him
About Charlie

There was a story in there
About how he stood up for this waitress once
And how he was kind of cute
In a reserved sort of way
And that was all I got

I know you only wanted people to come here
And talk about him
If we actually knew him
But I didn't

But I'm his son

Isn't that weird?

Because I should be closer to him than anybody
Because I should have all sorts of stories about him
But...

I do have some ideas
Or, ideas about him, I mean
Based on, just, stuff

Inconsistencies
Like the whole performing thing
Even though my mom says that he kept to himself
Except for a stint in drama club
Which I guess didn't go too well

I wonder, like...

Like I like to write

Did he like to write?

Was he musical at all?

I play the cello

Was he terrible at math like I am?
Was he bad at making conversation like I am?
Was he scared of being irrelevant like I am?

Does any of that sound familiar?

I don't know if he was a good guy
Or a bad guy
But either way
I would have liked
To have known him

Maybe go fishing or something
I don't know

I had a good dad
The guy who adopted me
My father, he was--

He was a good guy

But it's natural to wonder
Why you are
The way you are

I'm sorry that I don't have a story about Charlie
Except for the ones I made up in my head

I'm sorry I can't offer you anything about him
Except that I'm his son

Mostly I just came to listen

To see if I could learn anything about him

About me

Mostly, I just wanted to hear about
What I missed