If you want
The truth of it?
I guess…
I guess the truth would be
That everything
You gave me
Was too hot to hold
Someone like me…
I had all these plans
Set
In place
And, uh, you know
I never felt anything
That was…
A feeling strong enough
To make me
Uncomfortable
With how…
With how intense
It was
And then you…
Do you remember
You walked up to me
That day
At that…
That day at the march
When people were passing out
Bottled water
And talking about
How many more names we needed
For the petition
And you…
You put your hand
On my shoulder
And I…
All of a sudden
Something was too much
Nothing was ever
Too much for me
Because my whole life
I had never
Never
Been given anything
That I didn’t know
What to do with
You were the first
You were the first person
That I could not
Shrug off
That hand went
On my shoulder
And it…
It…
Do you remember
You went to explain something to me
The following week
And you unrolled my palm
And you sort of looked at me first
As if to ask me
If it was okay
And I…
I looked back at you
Like, yeah, it’s more
It’s...It’s more than okay
You tallied something up
In my palm
Some imaginary numbers
Using your pointer finger
And this feeling
In your voice
This--
This I don’t want to make you feel dumb
Even though I did feel dumb
But not because of you
You walked out
That explanation
And that explanation
Went up my arm
And up my neck
And down every strand of hair
On my head
I was…
Fire is so--
It’s something
People say
That people expect
I wasn’t on fire
I was--
Cold is--
Cold is you’re not alive
Cold is every day
You wake up
And you are handling
Everything
You are capable
You are handling
You are handling it
You are going to work
You are making dinner
Your bills are paid
People are proud of you
People are jealous of you
For how--
For how much
You have your shit together
And you do
You do have it together
And then somebody comes along
And suddenly you are
Lit up
You are
The heat
That’s there
When you forgot
You left the stove on
When you didn’t even know
You had a stove
When you…
When you lay awake at night
And you think
Why couldn’t they
Have touched my other shoulder too?
Why could they have
Put their hand down
On my other palm
And just let it be there?
Why is this too much for me?
Why is it too hot?
Why is everything
This person’s giving me
Too much for me
To accept?
I want to look you
In the eye
And tell you
Things
That would dare you
To break that contact
I want to set you
The way you’ve set me
I want
To be comfortable
Being so
Wildly
Uncomfortable
I want so many things, I…
But more than anything
I want to be empty
I want to be
The emptiest
Vacant
Non--
Non--
No…
Nothing
I want to be void
So that you can
Give me
Everything
You have to give
And I’ll have to
Accept it
No matter what
Because I’ll need
Something
Anything
Something
I’ll need
Whatever it is
You can give me
No matter
How bad
I want to pull
Myself
Away
No comments:
Post a Comment