Holy Leather

      (The VATICAN. The EMISSARY enters. The REPORTER is already in the room.)

EMISSARY:  I apologize for keeping you waiting.

REPORTER:  Oh, that's all right. Thank you for meeting with me.

EMISSARY:  This isn't the usual way we hand down pronouncements from his Holiness.

REPORTER:  Well, it seems like things are changing rapidly these days.

EMISSARY:  Yes, very much that.

REPORTER:  I have to say, I was very heartened to hear that the Pope has shown more flexibility when it comes to social issues like gay marriage.

EMISSARY:  He's certainly keeping all of us on our toes.

REPORTER:  And the news is that he's about to make a statement on another topic like that one?

EMISSARY:  Uh, not quite.

REPORTER:  Is it more of a political statement?

EMISSARY:  Well, it's not--No. Uh, I'm sure it'll be, uh, political, in its...ramifications, but, it's not inherently that.

REPORTER:  Who does it concern?

EMISSARY:  It's not so much who it concerns as...what.

REPORTER:  What?

EMISSARY:  What.

REPORTER:  I'm--I'm confused.

EMISSARY:  His Holiness is putting out a statement regarding...leather.

REPORTER:  Leather?

EMISSARY:  Yes.

REPORTER:  The material?

EMISSARY:  Yes.

REPORTER:  The Pope has...an opinion about...leather?

EMISSARY:  Uh, about the leather...community, yes.

REPORTER:  The--I'm sorry--

EMISSARY:  Are you familiar with the leather community?

REPORTER:  Are you?

EMISSARY:  I've had to, uh, become familiar with them as the result of this new...position.

REPORTER:  What is the position?

EMISSARY:  Uh, well--

     (The EMISSARY checks his notes.)

EMISSARY:  He's cool with it.

REPORTER:  Cool with--leather?

EMISSARY:  With the leather community.

REPORTER:  That's his pronouncement?

EMISSARY:  For the most part, yes.

REPORTER:  Specifically which parts is he...cool with?

EMISSARY:  Uhhh--

     (He checks his notes again.)

EMISSARY:  All of it.

REPORTER:  All of it?

EMISSARY:  All of it.

REPORTER:  So he's cool with people wearing the leather?

EMISSARY:  Yes.

REPORTER:  And...touching the leather?

EMISSARY:  Yes.

REPORTER:  And doing other things with--

EMISSARY:  Cool with all of it.

REPORTER:  That's, uh--That's a pretty big leap.

EMISSARY:  It's a move in a direction we have...not previously traveled in.

REPORTER:  What brought about this...change?

EMISSARY:  I wouldn't say it's a change. We never, uh, the Church never vocally disapproved of this, uh, community--

REPORTER:  Were you aware of it before--

EMISSARY:  No. No, we were not. That was, uh, a simpler time, I would say.

REPORTER:  Right.

EMISSARY:  I would also say that had we known about the leather community, we most likely would not have been, as His Holiness says, cool with it.

REPORTER:  Reasonable, yeah, I mean, based on what I know about the Church.

EMISSARY:  But the Pope has set a different course.

REPORTER:  He's cool with leather.

EMISSARY:  Yes.

REPORTER:  Harnesses?

EMISSARY:  Yes.

REPORTER:  Nipple clamps?

EMISSARY:  Oh dear.

REPORTER:  Whips?

EMISSARY:  That's closer to BDSM.

REPORTER:  Is he cool with that?

EMISSARY:  Probably, yeah.

REPORTER:  I'm very surprised to hear this.

EMISSARY:  You can imagine how I felt.

REPORTER:  Do you know if the Pope has had any...personal experience with this community?

EMISSARY:  I'd rather not ask.

REPORTER:  This is going to be quite the scoop.

EMISSARY:  You might want to wait to publish.

REPORTER:  Why would I wait? Do you have an official press release coming out?

EMISSARY:  No, but we do have some news about the furry community coming out later today.

REPORTER:  Furries?

EMISSARY:  Yes. As soon as I find out what they are, I have some very...good news for them.

     End of Play