Interlude: Online

I have an old pc mock-up

This--

This thing I put together

One week

When I was off from work

And I had too much time

On my hands

I like to work

But I had so many

Vacation days

My boss pulled me aside

And told me

To take a week

So I took a week

And I built an old pc

And it was only good

For one thing

You’d turn it on

And you’d click

On the icon

And you’d hear

That noise

The dial-up

The one you used to hear

When you’d log into AOL

I don’t know

What it is

About that noise

But I wanted

To hear it again

When I was a kid

You’d log in

From your Mom’s basement

Nothing down there

But your Dad’s old gym equipment

And the furnace

The washer/dryer

I’d login and a message

From him would pop up

Those little screens

He’d ask me

What I was up to

And I’d tell him

All about my day

Dealing with my teenage son

And what a piece of shit

His father was

For fighting me

On child support again

Meanwhile I was a teenager

Seventeen

And he was…

Who knows

Who he was?

But what I did

Over the year

That we spoke

Before his profile disappeared

Or he blocked me was--

I created a man

With his assistance

A man who no other man

Would ever measure up to

Because it was all romance

And correspondence

Like something out of the 1700’s

Back and forth, we’d go

Switching from casual

To sexual to sensual

To fighting to forgiving

And that was just the first two nights

When I got older

I started putting together

My own machines

And I got really into my work

And when I would try to date

I’d find myself just…

Drifting 

Away from whoever

I was attempting

To get to know

I wanted the dial-up

I wanted to hear the beeping

And the clicking

And know

Know

That I was tying up

The phone lines

And that was just

One more thing

To feel guilty about

I made a mock-up

But it’s nowhere near

The real thing

You can login

You can see a screen

That looks just like

The screen

From when you were younger

But you won’t get a message

From a man

Who might have been nobody

Telling you

How special you are

I still haven’t figured out

How to make

Something like that yet

I’m sure it’s not hard

I’m just not sure

I’m ready