(An office. GK is sitting across from MISSY, at her desk.)
MISSY: I just don't understand why you would be so careless.
GK: Listen, we didn't have wills back then. We were roaming the earth and burning down villages. We didn't have time to think about how we wanted our inheritance distributed.
MISSY: Well now you have billions of relatives and you owe all of them contributions.
GK: Why?
MISSY: Because you're their ancestor and you're very famous.
GK: I really don't think I'm related to that many people.
MISSY: Do you want to see the DNA results?
GK: I...don't.
MISSY: Okay, because I have them here--
GK: I'd really rather--
MISSY: You are related to...pretty much everyone.
GK: Well I'm sure if you go back far enough--
MISSY: No, because we tested Morda Khan and he has no living descendants.
GK: Well, have you met Morda Khan?
MISSY: No, I--
GK: He chews with his mouth open.
MISSY: Okay, well that's--
GK: Probably best the family name died with him, you know what I mean?
MISSY: Genghis, you have a fiscal responsibility here.
GK: I don't even know most of these people.
MISSY: Lindsey Beth Franklin?
GK: You think I would be related to somebody named Lindsey Beth Franklin?
MISSY: Her mother is Olivia Franklin.
GK: Was her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother named Shesa?
MISSY: Yes.
GK: Oh wow, okay, yeah, she's mine.
MISSY: She owes fourteen hundred dollars in credit card debt.
GK: I don't have it.
MISSY: You were the most powerful person on the planet.
GK: Yeah, thousands of years ago.
MISSY: If you didn't want to take care of the entire world, you shouldn't have procreated with the entire world.
GK: How do you know I'm the father of everyone's great-great-great-great-
MISSY: Again, the paternity--
GK: You know, I had a brother. Does this DNA thing mean he could--
MISSY: Was he a twin?
GK: No.
MISSY: Then no.
GK: Wow, if I had known the future was going to have so many narcs in it, I would have stayed dead.
MISSY: We can set up a payment plan for you. Do you want visitation? One of your descendants is ninety and she'd love to see you.
GK: Are any of my descendants wealthy?
MISSY: A few.
GK: Do I get any of their money?
MISSY: No, it doesn't work that way.
GK: Am I allowed to try taking over the world again?
MISSY: Do you want to take over the world?
GK: Maybe.
MISSY: Have you seen the world lately?
(A beat.)
GK: Can we make the payments automatic?
MISSY: I just need your banking information.
GK: Hey, do you know if Shesa is still--
MISSY: She got eaten by a sabertooth tiger before they went extinct.
GK: I always told her to stay away from those caves.
End of Play
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