My Straight Roommate

I have a straight roommate.

"Your friend Mike called. He's sooo nice! We started talking and now we're hanging out tomorrow. I think we're going to get lunch. I would invite you, but we really got into some personal stuff on the phone, and I just don't want to betray his trust, you know? I guess he has this...friend...that he's...not really liking much right now...So yeah, we're going to talk about that. But I'll bring you home some chicken! Mwuah!"

It's great to have someone to make the place feel lived in.

"I'm sick. Don't touch the coffee table. The remote control. Any of the doorknobs. The windows. The refrigerator. Anything in the refrigerator. The blue ladle. The shower head. The toothbrushes. The soap. The carpet. Any of the chairs. Oh, and I wouldn't eat from that spoon if I were you. Mwuah."

Plus life has become full of surprises.

"Oh my gosh! I completely forgot that you had company over. Hi! I'm the roommate. Wow, you're cute! You're almost as cute as the guy who was here last week, but you look like you have more of a personality. What are you guys watching? Ahhh! I love this show! I'll make popcorn. By the way, I wouldn't snuggle with that pillow. I was sick last week and this entire place still has a fine layer of muscus on it. Mwuah!"

More than anything, she's become a support system I know I can count on.

"I didn't say you were a slut. I said you've done lots of slutty things with slutty people and made mistakes of a slutty nature while living in a world of sluttiness. But you're not really a slut...much. Mwuah."

She's always up for some fun.

"A movie? It's seven o'clock at night. We won't get back until nine thirty. And there's a CSI rerun on. Maybe next weekend. Mwuah."

And she's taught me a lot about communicating.

"I'm still mad at you for that thing you did two weeks ago when I told you not to say anything and you hinted at it but didn't really say anything and thought I wouldn't notice but I did and the more I thought about it the more I realized I'm still angry and until I'm not, I'm going to be a little chilly to you. Nevertheless, mwuah."

Most of all, she just gets me.

"I bought you this book for your birthday. Hahaha you should have seen your face. Your real present's in the car. The receipt's attached."

What would I do without her?