Rob's Book Report

Rob, I'm going to check your book report
And then I want you to hop in the shower before bed
All right?

Let's see--"War and Peace" by--

Wait--

ROB!

Honey, is this a joke?

This says you read "War and Peace"

Sweetie, that book is long
It's complicated
It's...Russian!

You're in sixth grade!

What possessed you to--

You know what? Never mind.

I shouldn't criticize you for aspiring
To exceed the goals set out for you

I apologize

Let's see...

"War and Peace is about these poor people who eat grapes and travel across the country with a dog named Charley looking for drunk people in Las Vegas."

ROB!

Are you sure you read 'War and Peace?'

I think you might have read 'The Grapes of Wrath'...and 'Travels with Charley'...and also, maybe, rented 'Leaving Las Vegas' which is not a movie you should be watching!

Hang on--

"The war is really bad because Charlie Sheen doesn't want to fight it and he ends up dating Drew Barrymore but he doesn't know she fights crime with her friends who sing in a show choir."

Okay, that's 'Platoon,' 'Charlie's Angels,' and 'Glee.'

"Braveheart fights for peace."

Okay, 'Braveheart,' that's easy.

"Sometimes you can't have peace though because you're too busy killing mockingbirds that catch you in the rye and then you have to Hamlet them."

ROB!

Hamlet is not a verb!

And I don't think you can catch anything in the rye
I'm not even sure what a rye is

"There is war on Star Trek and if you fight it then Zac Effron will sing for you but not before the Goonies play on the sandlot and Dora the Explorer falls off Wuthering Heights."

ROB!

Have you been sitting too close to the tv again?

"In conclusion, War and Peace teaches us that if you live in Oklahoma then it'll be all about Eve and your Avatar will take you to Casablanca where you can dance with wolves and witness Paranormal Activity. The End."

Well...that was...Wow

ROB!

From now on, let me do all your homework!

I think it's for the best