A Feeling's a Feeling

These people just drive to Chicago

Like it’s no big deal

My sister

She’s like that

Drives to Chicago

Like it’s nothing

She says--

Oh, you live right outside the city

I say--

It’s forty-five minutes

It’s not right outside the city

I see her

On my phone

All the time

Taking pictures of herself

In Chicago

Excuse me, Miss Bigshot

But some of us work, you know?

Some of us have jobs

Not that she doesn’t work

But she doesn’t have a job

Not really

She’s a photographer

Photography isn’t work

You know how I know that?

Because wherever she goes

She’s always taking pictures of herself

On her phone

Even when she’s not working

And nobody would ever do that much work
When they’re not working

If what they did

Was really work

That’s how I feel about it

And a feeling’s a feeling

And she’s always

In Chicago

Every Friday, she’s in Chicago

Every Saturday, she’s in Chicago

Sometimes Sunday

For brunch

Like she’s Queen Lucille Ball

Or something

Sometimes she’s there during the week!

I say to her--

Aren’t you tired?
Aren’t you exhausted?

I’m exhausted just looking at you

She goes--

It’s fun

You know what’s fun for me?

Getting to take a two-minute shower

Without one of my kids

Jumping off the roof

That’s fun

You know how many times

I’ve been in the emergency room

With my hair still wet

Because one of my little geniuses

Thought it would be funny

To see how many Q-tips

They could get in their ear at once?

There’s nothing wrong with having kids

But unless you have kids

You don’t understand what it’s like to have kids

That’s how I feel about it

And a feeling’s a feeling

And there’s nothing wrong

With going to Chicago

But I don’t understand these people

Who act like it’s no big thing

And go there alll the time

And travel

And spend two hundred dollars on dinner

And never get married

And take photos of themselves in the ocean

Without worrying

About dropping their phone in the water

And ruining it

And god only knows

What those phones cost

And I wouldn’t know

Because I don’t have a phone

Because the guy on the news told me

The CDC listens in on all our calls

So I don’t have one

And I don’t go in the ocean

And I don’t eat

And I don’t go to Chicago

And that’s how I feel about it

And a feeling’s a feeling

And, by the way, I’m very happy

Very, very happy

Couldn’t be happier

And if you ask me

My sister’s not happy

Oh, she says she is

She looks like she is

She acts like she is

Her skin looks great

She donates to charity

And I haven’t seen her frown in ten years

But if you ask me

Underneath all that

She’s miserable

Totally miserable

And I could be wrong

But I got a feeling

And you know what they say?

A feeling’s a feeling

So that’s how I feel