Who I Stopped Talking To After the Baby Shower

I don’t talk to Elisha anymore

Because she made a comment

On one of my photos

With the baby

About how the baby’s finally

FINALLY

Got some good coloring

My baby never had bad coloring

My baby’s coloring has always been

Completely fine

And the insinuation

That somehow the baby’s coloring

Is NOT fine

Was unwelcome

And unappreciated

And the further insinuation

That I am a bad mother

Who has babies

With bad coloring

Was ALSO unwelcome

And unappreciated

I don’t talk to my cousin Stephanie

Because she told her mother

My aunt

Who told my mom

That I didn’t say ‘Thank you’

For the crib she got me

When I made it a point

To send her a ‘Thank you’ card

And then when my mother asked me

If I said ‘Thank you’ at the shower

I told her I didn’t get a chance to

Because so much was happening

And there was a lot going on

And excuse me if I’m a little busy

At my baby shower

Like, forgive me for my sins, Cousin Stephanie

But she DID get a VERY nice ‘Thank you’ card

For which I have not received a ‘Thank you’

And until I get a ‘Thank you’

For my ‘Thank you’ card

I will not be speaking with her again

And yes, I did hate the crib she got me

But that had nothing to do

With me being too overwhelmed

To thank her for her ugly gift

At my baby shower

I don’t talk to my sister Emily anymore

For reasons that I know

And she knows

And we won’t be going into

The details

But suffice it to say

She was very hurtful towards me

By saying things that, yes,

Might have been true

But did not need to be spoken

About my Pomeranian allergy

And all I will say

Because I don’t want to get into it again

But all I WILL say

Is that if you love your sister

And she asks you

To re-home your Pomeranian

So that she can come stay at your house

When she needs to

Without any notice

Because having a baby can be very stressful

And self-care needs to be the top priority

Then you re-home that Pomeranian

And you do NOT accuse her

Your sister

Meaning me

Of being ridiculous

And of not even HAVING a Pomeranian allergy

Because you need to believe people

When they tell you

Who they are

And what they’re allergic to

I’m no longer speaking with Cindy

Because she pretended to pass out

From exhaustion
After helping put the shower together
Which was just her way

Of making the day about her

And her low blood sugar

And not about me

And honestly

If my sister wants to accuse somebody

Of being a faker

She should start with my former friend Cindy

Who is a first-rate actress

And a third-rate friend

And none of the centerpieces

Even REMOTELY resembled a stork

So I don’t know what the hell she was passing out over

Because I did NOT see that amount of work

Being put in

Not at all

I’m still talking to my grandmother

But our relationship is rocky to say the least at this point

I just don’t let people

Walk all over me

And she loooooves to walk

So we’re rebuilding the trust we had before

And by ‘before’ I mean

Before she accused me

Of naming my baby

After my grandfather’s new girlfriend

Which is totally false

Because I have always wanted to name my baby

Alabria-Dacara

And it’s just a coincidence

That my grandfather’s new twenty-four year old girlfriend

Happens to have the exact same name

You know, you have a baby

And everybody forgets

That the world is not all about them
It is about this precious new life

That you are bringing onto the planet

And they expect you

To just keep checking in on them

And calling them

And not missing things

Or being three hours late to things

Or forgetting it’s their birthday

Or that they’re in remission

Whatever that means

And that they’re getting divorced

Or, like, they’re pregnant too now

Which, like, okay copycast

But, like, can I just have this one day?

Can I just have this one day

And, like, maybe a year or two

After that one day

To, like, be the important one?

I mean, is that asking too much?

Who do I talk to about that?

Is there anybody
I can talk to?