Professional Attire for the Caveman

The caveman must wear attire

At all times

That’s the purpose of these rules

Which we have labored

To carve into the wall

Of this cave

Otherwise known was ‘Work Cave’

The first rule is that attire

Is not optional

So what kind of attire

Is appropriate

For the Work Cave?

Leaves are acceptable

But they must be placed

Around the areas

That are known

To cause trouble

Within the group

You know what kind

Of trouble I’m talking about

So don’t act like you don’t

We don’t want to see you

With leaves on your arms

And not on your you-know-what’s

Because nobody ever got into trouble

With their arms

Except for Herg who got his arms stuck

In a Little Arms egg

But covering his arms in leaves

Wouldn’t have solved that problem

So why are we even talking about it?

It’s taken two days

Just to carve the tangent

About Herg

Into this wall

So we need to move on

Feathers are acceptable

But please do not use

Blue Attacker feathers

Because many in the tribe

Have a bad reaction

To being around

Those kinds of feathers

And we can’t have everybody

Scratching and complaining

Because then nothing will get done

We know some of you think

That the reactions to the Blue Attacker feathers

Is ‘made-up’ or ‘exaggerated’

But that’s really not your decision to make

And there are plenty of other Attackers

To pull feathers from

Provided they don’t kill you

So please just stick to Red Attackers

Or Light Red Attackers

And for the record

None of you look good in Blue Attacker feathers

It’s not your color

So don’t get all worked up about it

Dirt is fine, obviously

But please make sure it’s FRESH DIRT

Don’t come into Work Cave

With dirt you found

Near the Little Arm nests

Because you can’t be sure

If that’s dirt or...something else

That you’re covering yourself in

And since many of you seem averse

To washing yourselves in the river

You may not notice

That you reek of Little Arm dung

So if you’re going to cover yourself in dirt

Please make sure it’s dirt taken

From the far side of the clearing

And not the dirt near the garden

Since we use Little Arm dung there

And if you use that dirt

Not only will our smellers curl

In your presence

But we won’t be able

To grow our green foods

And then we’ll be starving

And bad-smelling

And then where will we be?

The hide of a kill is tricky

Because you have to clean the hide

And many of you are incapable

Of cleaning yourselves

Let alone the skin of a dead kill

But if you are able to clean it

An animal hide is one of the best options

For attire

Nurb recently showed up to Work Cave

In a beautiful tusk-skin

That was just wonderful

Everybody remarked upon it

And told him how great it looked

And--

‘Oh, it must have taken forever to clean, Nurb’

‘Oh, it did.  You have to take it to the pond

You can’t just take it to the river

This is a special skin

It needs pond water’

But we realize not everybody

Has access to tusk-skin

And not all of you feel like

Going to the pond every other day

To keep it clean

So stick to the dirt and the feathers

And the leaves

If all you can get are leaves

But again

Only over the troubling bits

And just leave the rest alone

Because if you’re walking around
Covered in leaves

Someone might think you’re a not-killed-yet

Lurking in a bush

And they might kill you

And then wear your skin around

And people might compliment them on it

When they show up to Work Cave wearing it

And isn’t that just a terrible thought?

That’s why we have rules

And that’s why we have to follow the rules

And that’s why we carved them

Into this cave

And it took a long time

Because we had to use pictures

Since we haven’t invented words yet

So we hope you appreciate

The time we took

To create a professional environment

For all of you

And, as always--

Casual Fridays are still

In effect