(A restaurant.)
MARY JANE: ...I ask him for one post a day. That's it.
GWEN: That's not a lot.
MJ: That's nothing! Lisa and her boyfriend post five times a day.
GWEN: Lisa?
MJ: I met her at the writing retreat last week.
GWEN: How'd that go?
MJ: Good. Interesting, um--you know. I got a short story out of it. Sent it to Broadband, but they want me to cut it in half before they publish it. The whole thing is a thousand words--how am I supposed to cut it more than that?
GWEN: Maybe you could--
MJ: I'm not cutting it. It's a digital magazine. Who cares how long it is? It's not taking up print space. It's not using ink.
GWEN: What's it about?
MJ: Huh?
GWEN: The story you wrote about the writing retreat. What's it about?
MJ: Oh. A writing retreat.
GWEN: Oh.
MJ: Yeah. It's so funny. You should read it.
GWEN: I'd like to.
MJ: I'll send it to you.
GWEN: Cool.
MJ: You're so nice. You actually read things when people send them to you. I never do that.
GWEN: Did I see that you and Peter are going to start doing more cooking tutorials?
MJ: I mean, I want to, but if I can't even get him to post one photo with me a day and one in the costume--
GWEN: He might be worried about the, uh--
MJ: Was he this stubborn when you two dated?
GWEN: Uh, he was--
MJ: I mean, I never saw photos of you two together, but--
GWEN: I'm more private, I guess?
(A beat.)
MJ: I'm private.
GWEN: No, I know--
MJ: I'm really private.
GWEN: I know.
MJ: I'm just trying to help Peter with his brand.
GWEN: He...He seems to be doing okay?
MJ: He barely posts, Gwen.
GWEN: He--he has, like--ten million followers.
MJ: Nine.
GWEN: Okay, but--
MJ: He has nine.
GWEN: Right.
MJ: He could have more if he--if he just posted when I tell him to.
GWEN: Right.
MJ: And what I tell him to.
GWEN: Yeah.
MJ: Besides, our couple account has, like, half as many followers as his individual account, and I didn't give up my personal account to create a couple account with him for five million followers. What's the point?
GWEN: But I mean...
MJ: What?
GWEN: Your--Never mind.
MJ: No. What?
GWEN: Your individual account didn't have that many followers anyway.
(A beat.)
MJ: Gwen.
GWEN: I'm sorry.
MJ: I--
GWEN: I'm so sorry.
MJ: You--okay. You know that the reason my individual account didn't have a lot of followers is because--
GWEN: I'm really sorry.
MJ: Did your individual account have a lot of followers when you were with Peter?
GWEN: No.
MJ: See?
GWEN: But I was pretty private.
MJ: I'M VERY PRIVATE.
GWEN: I'M SORRY.
MJ: It's really hard to cultivate an individual brand when you're constantly propping up another person. The person you're dating. Who you love.
GWEN: I know.
MJ: If I wasn't always worried about Peter, I would have a lot more time for myself.
GWEN: Yeah, I used to worry a lot too.
MJ: Like, how why is so resistant to downloading Parallel? Does he want to get on the app after it blows up? There's no point then.
GWEN: I meant, like, worried about...his safety?
(A beat.)
MJ: Oh. Yeah. That too.
GWEN: I love the stuff you two post together. It's really cute.
MJ: If you knew--it's just--if you knew what I have to do to get him to, like, snap a photo of me and caption it with something nice? It's like pulling teeth, Gwen. I even give him the captions and offer to set up the shots for him so they look candid, and he still gives me a hard time.
GWEN: Maybe he's trying to protect you. If you put too much stuff out there, it makes it easier for villains to find you and--
MJ: Do you know how long it's been since I've been in peril?
GWEN: Uh. No?
MJ: Months. I can't even tell you the last time I was kidnapped. It's like the villains think Peter doesn't care if I live or die.
GWEN: I don't know where they'd get that idea.
MJ: They keep going after Aunt May, and, like, don't get me wrong, I love Aunt May, but I'm Peter's girlfriend. She's a woman in her--what? Nineties?
GWEN: I don't think--
MJ: --And they're kidnapping her?
GWEN: It's...strange.
MJ: The last time we both got kidnapped together, and, like, that wasn't ideal? But, like, I dealt with it, whatever. I made sure she wasn't in any of the photos I took when we got rescued, but the villain was, like, Wow, you're really annoying. And I was like, Well, you kidnapped me. I'm supposed to be annoying. And the villain--the one with the arms?
GWEN: That could be--
MJ: He had a lot of arms and he was like, No, like, I felt bad kidnapping her, but you? Ugh, I just wanted to get rid of you the whole time. She was a delight compared to you. He just went on and on, even as he was going in the police car, and I was like, Um, Peter, are you going to let him talk to me that way, and Peter was like, Please don't call me Peter in front of people, they're not supposed to know who I am, and I was like, Yeah, don't I know it, that's what's hurting your social media presence, and it became this whole thing.
GWEN: He's just trying to protect his identity.
MJ: You can't have an identity and a personality. You know who said that?
GWEN: Someone...who doesn't know what either of those words mean?
MJ: Evan Feathers.
GWEN: Is he a new superhero?
MJ: Kind of. He created Parallel. He's amazing. And Peter won't even watch his videos with me.
GWEN: Are they long?
MJ: Oh my god, they're endless. But he's so smart.
GWEN: Maybe I should watch the videos?
MJ: You should! Gwen, you really should.
GWEN: Maybe I will.
MJ: You'd learn so much. I mean, I know it's hard being, like, an also-ran? Like, second place? All the time? But you could really use that to your advantage to, like, build a following of, like, other girls who got broken up with and handled it mostly okay.
GWEN: Yeah, I--I guess it's worth a try.
MJ: I mean, right now, you're practically invisible.
GWEN: Yeah.
MJ: It's like you super power!
GWEN: Yeah.
MJ: But not really.
GWEN: Yeah.
(A beat.)
MJ: Yeah.
(A beat.)
GWEN: Yeah.
End of Play
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