Work from Home

Hi Everyone!

I hope you’re all doing well

Working from home

And working hard, right?

Just kidding, just kidding

We don’t want you to stress out

About work

But we do want to remind you

That we now have three deadlines to meet

Within the next seventy-two hours

So please keep those worker hats on

But remember to take them off

When you need to

After the seventy-two hour period

Has lapsed

Thank you so much

From me

And from the rest of your family here

At G&B Tech and Innovation

Because we do believe

That this company is a family

And like biological family

We also require that you love us unconditionally

And support us until you’re emotionally bankrupt

Just kidding!

Just kidding

Gotta keep it light, right?
Gotta keep that humor going

So--I just wanted to address

An issue I know

Some of you might have

When we reach the glorious end

Of this nasty little tunnel we’re in

And that’s working from home

I know some of you

Are probably thinking--

Wow, I pretty much did

My entire job from home

Can’t I just keep

Working remotely?

And the answer to that

Is a big ole ‘No’

From your family here

At G&B

Just pretend I’m your Dad

And you’re saying--

Dad, can I skip school

And just take all my tests

Out in the backyard

Sitting by the pool

Enjoying myself?

Dad’s gotta say ‘No’

Doesn’t he?

He might not want to

In fact, Dad might want

To work from home himself

But he can’t

And neither can you

Even though it seems like

You can

And the reason for that is

Our granddads--

And grandmoms!

Not trying to be, uh

Not trying to have--

Wanna be inclusive here

But anyway

Our grandparents

At the top of the G&B ladder--

They worked their whole lives

Coming into an office

Having meetings

Sitting at their desks

Working away for hours at a time

Alienating their spouses

Never seeing their kids

Watching their health deteriorate

And they did all that

So that one day

We would all do

Exactly

The same thing

The fact is that no matter

What all those studies say

The anecdotal belief

Is that remote work

Is just not as good

As the work you folks can do

When you’re chained to ole desk

Right here at your favorite watering hole

At G&B headquarters

And admit it--you miss it, don’t you?

Coming in

And seeing your co-workers

Getting those check-ins

From your manager

Every fifteen minutes

Or ten minutes

If your guy--or gal!--is a real

Pain in the you-know-what

The five-hour Friday meetings

Where we go around

And talk about how each department

Is under-performing

Free Donut Tuesdays!

Who doesn’t miss those?

None of that stuff

Can happen from home

And that’s why

Even though everything

Seems to be going smoothly

While you’re all working

From the apartments

You can barely afford

Because we don’t pay you enough--

Another little joke there!

But that reminds me

We need to talk

About pay cuts later, uh--

--Anyway, we can’t wait

Until you’re all back here again

I gotta tell you

Old Mr. G has been screaming at me

Every day on the phone

About how he doesn’t understand

Why he has to keep paying

His lazy employees

To sit around at home

And upload an email once a day

Hahaha he’s pretty senile, I have to say

But he’s got a point

We’re all better off

When we’re all together

...Except for right now

But once right now

Is right back there in the past

We expect to see you

Back with your family

At G&B for sixty-to-eighty hours a week

I know, I know

I can’t wait

Either