Betrayal

We started out the sixteenth season

By sending one of our shows

To London

The Artistic Director thought

It would give us some legitimacy

As a company

To go international

The last Artistic Director had taken a show to New York

So of course, this one had to do one better

I’d never been on a plane in my life

So I was apprehensive

But we were doing this fantastic production of Betrayal

And I wasn’t about to hand my part over

To another actress

So I got smashed at the airport bar

Stashed a joint in my pocketbook just in case

And got on the plane

London was fabulous

There’s something so thrilling

About being an American in a foreign country

Probably because everybody thinks so little of us

That when you act like an idiot

They just nod at you

As if to say—

‘Yes, that’s about what we were expecting from you fast food eating hicks’

While we were in London

I met a man

Another actor

This blonde-haired, fair-skinned British actor

With a perfect, crisp

Clipped accent

He could have read the tag on a mattress

And made it sound sexy

And on a few occasions

I believe he did

Probably because it was the only reading material available

It was quite an affair

The show ran for a few weeks

And on the last day

I decided I was staying in London

I had no urge to go back to America

Just to be some poor single woman

Who doesn’t know what it’s like to have a man shout out a line from Henry V

While he’s making love to you

When I went to his apartment

To tell him the good news

I used the key under the mat

To let myself in

And that’s where I found him

In bed

With someone else

A male someone else

Insert joke here about gay men and British men

And how I couldn’t tell the difference

Go ahead, laugh

Everybody else did

When they found out

I went back home

And never got on a plane again

And I never dated or trusted another actor

As long as I lived

The thing is, you can never really tell

When they’re acting

And when they’re not

Hell, I think sometimes

Even they don’t know

I’ll say this for that whole experience

The show was wonderful

The weather was nice

And if I learned one thing

It’s that gay men are the best lovers

God, isn’t life cruel?