A Midsummer Night's Dream

I auditioned for the eighth season
Of the Orpheus Theater Company
Even though my father told me
All actors do is masturbate
And piss on themselves

That sounded wrong to me
But I never liked correcting my dad

The audition was okay
I did a soliloquy from ‘The Taming of the Shrew’
Because I knew they were doing Midsummer that year
And I wanted to be in it

They didn’t cast me
But they asked if I’d be interested
In ushering

If you want to be desired in the theater
Tell somebody you’ll usher
And they’ll treat you like the President

So I ushered

I ushered for all of A Midsummer Night’s Dream
And it was wonderful

It sounds weird to say I had an experience
But that’s what it was
A great experience

I used to hang out in the theater
After the audience had left
Waiting for the janitor to kick me out
Just because I liked being there

Theaters smell so great, you know?

The fresh-cut wood
The dust on the lights
The faint presence of wine

One night towards the end of the run
I was sitting in the theater
And Beau stumbled in
Drunk, which wasn’t…

Anyway, he seemed upset
So I asked him what was wrong
And he said—

‘I just fired my board.’

I didn’t know you could fire a board
But I didn’t say that

I heard they were thinking of firing him
So maybe he beat them to it

Either way, he seemed relieved and scared
All at the same time

‘Get up there’

He said to me

I asked him what he meant
And he pointed to the stage

‘Up there,’ he said

I didn’t argue with him
Because you didn’t argue with Beau
You just did what he said

So I got up onstage
And he said ‘Speak’

So I started speaking—


Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But, either it was different in blood,--

Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,
War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,
Making it momentany as a sound,
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
And ere a man hath power to say 'Behold!'
The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
So quick bright things come to confusion.

And as I spoke
I noticed Beau nodding
In the audience

It was like he was saying—

Yes, yes that’s right

It was the only time
I’d ever seen him
Sitting in that theater
With his eyes closed

Looking very much
At peace