Tartuffe

They tried calling our sixth season our first

Because that was the year we went Equity

But nobody really paid attention to that

Equity or not

What difference did it make?

Oh sure, we were all excited

We were going to be a real company of actors now

Not just a glorified community theater bunch

I kept praising God

For allowing me to write home to my mother

And tell her that I wasn’t just a dressed up whore

Standing out on a stage

Instead of a corner

Mama sure could turn a phrase

The whole reason Beau agreed to the switch

Was because he was sick of having people compare us

To the Mullen Street Players

Where you could watch ‘No, No, Nanette’

And eat a nice ham dinner

All for ten bucks

Beau wanted people to know

We were doing real theater

And for once

Him and the Board agreed

So things were set into motion

And by the end of the sixth season

We were professionals

Our first show as a new Equity theater was Tartuffe

Beau said he’d worked in Equity theaters before

But I think he’d forgotten how many rules there were to follow

Before that, we were used to him being in total control

But now we were all serving a bigger master

There were rules

Personally, I found it refreshing

Beau was a godless man

And I mean that in the most literal sense

Not a bad man, not in a way he could help

Just lost, detached

Removed from any sort of spirituality

Even though he thought he was the next coming

Of all nine muses

I tried to instill a proper faith into Beau

But he wouldn’t have it

Every time I’d preach to him

About the purity of true art

He’d just roll me over

And go at me from behind

While I was looking up at the crucifix above my bed

Wondering if this would get me a bigger role next season

Back then I was the Jesus freak of the company

And I didn’t mind that at all

But it did limit the number of roles I could play

You find out pretty quickly

When you’re a girl of faith in the theater

That all the fun roles

Are prostitutes and home wreckers

And all I ever got to play

Was the maid

So I started making advances on Beau

So he’d feel more comfortable

Giving me roles with a little more…meat

It worked—for a little while anyway

Nobody ever stayed in Beau’s bed for long

I don’t think he ever got over

His wife

And I guess that’s as it should be

I got used to playing nuns

And nosy neighbors

Theater isn’t the best field

For people of a strong faith

But I never could give it up

I suppose it’s because I never felt closer to God

Than when I was standing out there

Onstage