Death of a Salesman

You think I’m not a good actress?

You’re right

I’m fucking terrible

But I understand it

Theoretically

I understand acting

But, you know

Doing it

It’s tricky

Beth liked using me

When she was the theater’s AD

Because she found me interesting

I’ll give you that

I am interesting

I acted with the theater

With the Orpheus Group

For a long time

My last show was Death of a Salesman

Which is a good show to leave on

If you ask me

That was back when Beth was going up against

The Merry Widows

Those matinee blue-haired anti-whores

I had an aunt who used to call certain women anti-whores

If she thought they couldn’t even

Give it away

After my last show at the theater

I went up to Beth’s office

To say good-bye to her

And thank her for everything she’d done for me

Over the years

Beau, the old Artistic Director

And her ex-husband

Hadn’t liked me much

Because he believed women should only be onstage

If they’re standing next to a man

If you’re wondering if I’m a feminist

The answer is ‘Hell yes, I’m a feminist’

Being a woman and not being a feminist

Is like being a car without wheels

I guess you’re still a car

But what good are you?

When I went into Beth’s office

I saw something I’d never seen before

She was sitting at her desk

Crying

Those Merry Widows had gotten to the Board

And now the Board was saying

Things had to be toned down around the theater

And on top of everything else

The Board at that time

Was made up of all men

So you can imagine the hard time they were giving Beth

I knew she didn’t feel comfortable

Letting anybody see her cry

She didn’t want anyone to think she was weak

So I waited outside her office

Until she finished

And then I went in

And shook her hand

I said, ‘Beth, honey, don’t you take shit from anybody.  You’re a good director and a good person, and if you’re not making people angry you’re no kind of artist.  Remember that.’

She smiled when I said that

And told me she was gonna miss me

You know, I never had a daughter

Because the thought of something treating my body

Like a Best Western for nine months

Always creeped me out

But if I had had a daughter

I’d have wanted her

To be just like Beth