Broke

Laying down shirtless
Near the sprinkler
In your yard

Summertime, two months ago
Too cold to not have a shirt on

Don't have a pot
Or piss to put in it
But I think I'm clever
So whatever
I smile
You're amused
You grin
You look away
You can't help yourself
And I help those who can't help themselves
Do the thing they're not supposed to do

I supply the lies
You just tell the truth
And we'll get along
With no shirt and no service
By the sprinkler
In your yard

Broke, but with a mended heart
Broke, but with expensive dreams
Broke, but rich in everything but currency

You're worried we'll be living out of a car
I say, 'I've lived in worse'

You wear my t-shirts
I wear your heels
To make you laugh
Trip and nearly break my ankle
You catch me
I've never been caught
Off-guard or otherwise
I've never landed
On anyone
That didn't fall through
Until you
You stopped me
From breaking

So broke--but not broken
So broke--but new in so many ways
So broke--but a believer

For the first time
A believer

Looking at my own shit
And recognizing it
For what it is

Putting a dollar in the dream jar
Every time I get a big idea
Hearing you tell me that this bill isn't paid
And that debt's racking up
And you're biting your nails
And I'm drinking too much
But we're this but not that
We've been one thing and another
And so I can live in another
I can be the possibility of me
And not worry about what the reality's doing
Or who I owe
Or why you're crying
Or where you're going
When you're done crying

'Cause only you can break me
And make me not recover

Only you can take me apart
In a way where nobody'll ever
Get to put me back together

Only you know which tendons to cut
And doors to shut
And what I'm really scared of

And it isn't being broke
Broke's a breeze for me
Hell, my mom still owes the doctor
For my delivery

Broke--just not left
Broke--just not lonely
Broke--just not alone

How much would make you feel safe enough
To come back?

How much could I pile up
So you could sleep on it like a pillow
And feel comfortable again?

How were we once so happy
Sleeping by a sprinkler
Without our shirts
And now we see dollar signs
And find ourselves counting pennies
Asking were we blind and then
Wondering if there's another side
To the ride we're on

How'd that happen?

What did we know about happiness
That we forgot?

And how did we get so broke?