We're All Doing Drugs Together

The kids are going to do drugs

I mean, that's just a given

It's the 1970's now

Drugs are--

Well, they're not what they used to be

Am I right?

Nothing is what it used to be

Hell, the wife and I went to a key party last night

Now--have you ever been to a key party?

We thought it was some sort of murder mystery dinner

Haha boy were we wrong

But you know, it really opened us up

Our minds, I mean, it opened up our minds

It made us realize

That whether your like it or not

The world is changing

And you change with it

Or you can be the old fuddy duddies

Sitting at home

Watching tv

And complaining about kids today

You can be your parents

God, I thought, that’s the last thing I want to be

My old man was the squarest guy I ever met

And my mom was Donna Reed

Without the warmth

You couldn’t get close to people like that

Hell, they weren’t even close to each other

Let alone me

I took off as soon as high school was over

And after that, I only called them at Christmas

To let them know I was still alive

I didn’t want my kids being like that with me

And I know what kids are up to these days

The same things I was up to when I was a kid

Drugs

So I made a decision

We’re all doing drugs together

And I tell my wife

And she’s into it

Provided it’s just run-of-the-mill stuff

Nothing too fancy

She and I dropped acid once

And the next thing we knew

We were shaving each other’s heads

In the middle of a petting zoo

But as long as it’s just smoking pot

Or snorting a little cocaine

She’s up for it

So we get our kids in the living room

And we tell them what we want to do

And they

Are

Horrified

I mean, they are really appalled

‘We don’t do drugs,’ they say,

‘And even if we did, we wouldn’t do them with our parents’

I look at my son

And for the first time, I realize something

He looks just like my dad

And my daughter

Looks just like Donna Reed

And it occurs to me

That maybe being square

Skips a generation

So we didn’t do drugs together

Me and the kids

The wife and I just did them

By ourselves

Those poor kids

They don’t know what they’re missing