Coloring for Adults

Hi, I’m Brenda

And I am so happy

To have you here

With us today

There is never a time in your life

When it is too late

To learn to be creative

Talented, yes

There is a time

When you are just too darn old

To be considered talented

But never creative

Never, never, never

We all have sorts of programs

Here at the New Learning Center

For people who want to stretch

Their artistic wings

And learn to fly

Now, you might have heard of this

On the news or in magazines

It’s a very popular program we have

Called Coloring for Adults

Of course, it’s not like coloring for children

Although I do love to color in those

Disney Princess Coloring Books

You can get at the dollar store

Am I right, everybody?

. . . . .

Okay, well--

The fun part about coloring for adults

Is the complexity of it

You can color in all these intricate drawings

Of things like--

A prenuptial agreement

A mortgage

A missed payment on your mortgage

A hospital bill from when you got that mole removed

Even though you told the doctor it wasn’t going to be cancerous

And, of course, it wasn’t

You can color in pictures of your kids

The ones that still talk to you

Not the ungrateful ones

Who went ahead and married beneath them

Even though you spent all that money

Sending them to finishing school

You can color the photo of the woman

Your husband left you for

And the car she drives

And, if you’re feeling really creative,

You can draw key marks

Allllllllllll over that car

And her face

And maybe black out a few of her teeth
And one of her eyes

Or maybe both eyes

We don’t want to stifle your creativity here

We want you to go hog wild!

Speaking of hogs, you can also color in photos

Of your ex-mother-in-law

And ex-sister-in-law

And your ex-sister-in-law’s girlfriend

Excuse me--partner

Who once told you that you may be a straight eight

But that you were a lesbian four

Whatever the hell that means

You can color in the house you didn’t get to keep in the divorce

And you can color on alllllllllllll the bank slips
Showing your checking account just shattering

Into a million pieces

Oh, but maybe you can put little smiley faces

In all the zeroes

Just to make things look, you know

A little less

Dreary?

Oh!  You can color in your co-workers

Who talk behind your back

About how you’re losing your hair

Even though that’s not the case at all

You’re just trying out new haircuts

And not all of them are working out

Because your stylist is nightblind

And you don’t get out of the Center until after six pm

Because the Tango for Adults class

Always finishes late

No matter how many times you tell them

That you have other things going on in your life

Besides this stupid fucking building

Full of lonely old people!

So…

Does anyone need their crayons sharpened?