I Got the Call and I Hung Up

My sister was a nun

Which was funny

Because she didn’t want me

To call her sister

After she became one

Even though that’s what I called her

Before she was one

Can you follow that?

Well, it doesn’t really matter

People used to ask her

When she got the call

And she said--When I was a young child

Which is bullshit

Because she was the devil incarnate as a child

And anybody with two eyes could see it

No, she got the call

After her boyfriend

Killed himself
And that was very sad

Very, very sad

But she had to handle it

In the most dramatic way possible

Becoming nun

Like it’s the goddamn 1950’s

Or--or--or she’s the lead actress

In an Elvis Presley movie

I just thought the whole thing

Was so crazy

And I know it sounds insensitive

But I was so young at the time

And all I could think was--

I’m going to have a nun

For a sister

And it just seemed so silly

The whole thing

And then…

I got the call

I mean--the call

And I hung up

One day I’m just out

Riding my bike

Minding my own business

And I hear a voice

Telling me

To devote myself

To commit myself

To a greater purpose

And I said--

Nope

Not interested

Now look,

I’m fine with being a good person

And doing good things

And living a respectable life

But I do not need to put on

A rosary

And a black and white outfit

To do that

Plus, we already had a nun in the family

At that point

We didn’t need another one

I just kept riding my bike

And whistling to myself

And God was like--

Hello?
Hello?
You there?

And I was like--

I’m sorry, Father

But I screened the call

And I am not interested

At this time

And he called a few more times

The last time I was at an Arby’s

And I got my order all screwed up

Because I couldn’t hear myself

Over the Almighty

After that I just left the ringer off

But I’ve lived a pretty good life

All the same

And I hope when it’s over

I don’t get in trouble

For not picking up

The phone

I mean, it’s a call

Sometimes you pick up

And sometimes

You gotta let it ring