What I Did to Get the Story

You do all sorts of things

To get the story

There was a time in London

Where I was sitting with this guy

A source

At a bar

In this hotel

I’m not gonna say which one

But it wasn’t that nice of a hotel

Which is probably why

The source asked to meet me there

And I said ‘Okay’

And when I got there

He was drinking a soda

And I was like—

‘What the fuck?’

And he tells me

He doesn’t drink

He’s in recovery

Has been for, I don’t know

I think he said five years?

Maybe six?

But I order a drink

And he starts talking to me

But the thing about this guy was

He was always holding back

Always had something to say

But wouldn’t say it

Because he was too nervous

One time he thought I was bugged

And I had to take him into a bathroom

Into a stall

And let him frisk me

I would have accused him

Of doing it just to grope me

But he was so panicked

I knew it wasn’t anything sexual

He just didn’t trust anyone

The only reason he was talking to me at all

Was because of this sense of—of—uh—

I don’t know

Guilt?
Moral obligation?
Who knows?

But we’re at this hotel bar

And he’s talking

But he’s not saying much

It’s nothing I can work with

So I stop taking notes, like—

Five minutes in

Just no point

Absolutely no point

And I was a little pissed off

Not that I had anything else

To do that night

But here I was

In this shitty bar

Located in some shitty hotel

Talking to a guy

Who keeps looking behind him

Like anybody cares that we’re here

I just kept drinking

And pretty soon

I got a little punchy

And I said to him—

‘Have a drink’

Just like that

Very simple

‘Have a drink’

And he laughs

But he wants a drink

Of course he does

I quit smoking seven years ago

And I want a cigarette

Every fucking day

So of course this guy wants a drink

And he says ‘No, no, no’

But he wants a drink

I know he does

So…

I order him a drink

And I put it down in front him

And I say—just, simply, but not forcefully

‘Drink’

And, uh, he looks around

Like, as if he’s not worried about spies now

But, like, his AA sponsor showing up

And then, when he sees it’s just us

And the bartender—

He drinks

He drinks and then he says—

‘Let’s go upstairs’

And we do

To this room

This room he got

For the night

And we talk

And we have a few more drinks

From the minibar

And we smoke a little weed I had on me

And we talk

We talk all night

That’s how I got the story

What happened to the guy after that?

No clue

Never talked to him again

Wasn’t any reason to

Already got the story

He was tapped out after that night

Wouldn’t even screw me

After I offered it to him

Because he was pretty cute

And he gave me once-in-a-lifetime dirt

But—he just wanted to sleep

So I let him sleep

And I probably, you know…

I mean, who knows

Maybe I ruined his life

You know, it’s…

But I got the story

You wanna know if that’s—

Or if I think that’s all that matters?

Doesn’t matter what I think

My job’s not to think

And you know, there’s—

Ha

There’s probably a good reason
For that