The Number

I terminated three pregnancies

Is that what you want?
The number

Three

That’s my number

I’m not ashamed of it

My number

My sister Kathy?

She’s ashamed of it

Tells me not talk about it

I tell her--

Kathy you’ve had double the number of plastic surgeries

Than I’ve--

And she stops me

And says it’s not the same

She’s right

It’s not

Oh well

Fuck ‘em

I mean, really

I’m not going to be embarrassed

I just refuse, uh--

I just refuse

To be ashamed

Of that, okay?

That’s how I feel about it

Everything is a community these days

--I’m switching gears a little

So keep up, all right?

Everything is a community

And women who have had abortions

Become a sort of community

Regardless of whether you go to a--a--a--

Support group or not

God knows I never went to one

But for years

We were like this

Secret community

Of women

Who have done this thing

And within any community

There are hierarchies

And this community

Is certainly

No different

And one of the ways

In which a hierarchy

Is created

Is by this numbers game

This judgment

Of--

‘Oh, I’ve only had one abortion

I’m fine

It’s the woman who’s had three’

Or four

Or ten

Or who cares?

According to the opposition

One abortion

And you’re a murderer, right?

Right?

You think they care

That you’ve only had one?

Oh sure, they judge me

But they’re judging you too, honey

That’s what I would say

They’re judging you too

And I’ve always felt like, uh--

Jesus!

That we all need to be in this

Together

We can’t let little, uh, discriminations

Get in the middle

Of us helping each other

Being there for each other

Right?

So three’s my number

And I wear it like a badge of honor

Because that is three times

I took control of my destiny

That is three times

I asserted my right as a woman

To have control

Over my body

That is three times

That I spoke to power

And said--

‘No, this thing inside me

Is not a life

Just because you want it to be

Because maybe it’ll grow up to be a boy

That you can use

That you can make a part of your system

Your system that’s full of boys

Bossing around women

Using women

Raping and assaulting women’

Three times

And I wasn’t happy about any of them

But just because I regret that I had to take those actions

It doesn’t mean I regret the choice

Do you understand that?

Because it was the right choice

All three times

I never doubted that

For a second