Looking for Beth Ann

She wants to keep it

And she says

She’s already

Got a name for it

She wants to name the baby

Beth Ann

She doesn’t even know

If it’s a boy or a girl
But she’s got her heart set

On it being a girl
And if it’s a girl
It’s gonna be Beth Ann

She’s so made up about it

That I think it’s gonna be Beth Ann

Even if it’s a boy

I’ve stopped trying to talk to her about it

There’s no point in that

It’s not just that she’s too young

She’s twenty-three

Which is older than I was

When I had her

But that was back when twenty-three

Meant you were already out working

With a steady job

Maybe you had a house

You were married

She just got done with school

And she has all these plans

All these things

She wants to do

Wanted to do

Before she got pregnant

I said—

‘What about this and that?’

‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I don’t care’

But I don’t believe her

I don’t think she wants to keep the kid

I think she wants to keep the man

I’m not saying she trapped him

But the girl’s been on birth control

Since she was sixteen

I took her myself

I’m not shy about that stuff

And I wasn’t with her or her brother

One of ‘em got birth control
And the other one got a box of condoms

I wasn’t raised

To be precious

About that stuff

You teach your kids

Or you’re going to wind up

With grandkids

But now here I am

I’m gonna have grandkids anyway

What the fuck, right?

She’s been on birth control all this time

And then she meets this boy

And he’s a little…flighty

Doesn’t seem like he’s going to hang around long

Which was fine with me

Because I wasn’t a big fan of him

And then she gets pregnant

And now we’re talking about marriage

Like it’s 1950

I said, ‘Sweetie, you don’t have to marry him’

And she said, ‘I know’

I think it’s because I’m a liberal

Kids rebel against whatever you give ‘em

And I gave my kids liberal values

So now I got a Stepford wife

For a daughter

Everyone’s saying—

‘Why don’t you do something about this?’

What do you want me to do?

She knows she has choices

She knows she doesn’t have to have the baby

He—the father, the kid—said he didn’t want it

And I put a lot of stock into that

I know it’s her body
And she’s gotta carry it

And have the baby

But should he be forced to support it

If he’s saying he didn’t want it

In the first place?

Especially when he thought
They were using birth control?

This is all just stuff I’m asking

I’m not placing blame

Or anything like that

But it’s stuff to talk about

Think about
Whatever

I just don’t want her having the kid

And she can make this decision now

But what if a year from now

She regrets it?

Even five years from now?
Ten?

She has to go this kid’s entire life

And never think that it was a mistake

And that’s tough

Even when you wanted the kid

From the beginning

It’s not a religious thing

As far as I know

She just wants it

It’s probably the name

That started it

I told her she didn’t have to have it

And she said—

‘But I already named her’

And I guess it’s why

Farmers don’t name the pigs

Because now she’s got it in her head

This little girl

With a pink dress

And pigtails

And a gorgeous little smile

That looks half like

This boy who doesn’t love her

And who’s probably to end up divorcing her

Once he grows a spine

And realizes that as much as you say kids tie you down

They don’t

They really don’t

My husband asked me

If I didn’t like the idea a little bit

Of being a grandmother

And I said—

I don’t know if I’ll like it

But I’ll probably like it more

Ten years from now

When she’s ready

And he said, ‘Nobody’s ever really ready’

But that’s just because he’s more into the whole thing

Than I am

I just want to say to her—

You can imagine the kid you’re gonna get

But that’s not who you end up with

The kid in your mind

Is never as good

As the real one

In some ways

--In a lot of ways

They’re better

But…

It’s just not what you picture it to be

It never is