Trying to Be Better People

You get out of work early

To get some wine

At the liquor store

Down the street

You don’t know how to pick out wine

So you just grab whatever looks the best

Within breaking the bank

You were supposed to get something at the grocery store too

But you can’t remember what it is

As far as you can remember

It didn’t seem too important

It was something something sauce

And sauce can’t be that big a deal, right?

You go home and find out from her

That sauce is a very big deal

Because the recipe says you need something something sauce

And if you don’t have it

You’re basically just putting meat on a plate

And serving it to people

Well what’s wrong with that, you ask?

And you get a look like you’re the biggest fool

That ever walked through a front door

On a Friday night

Holding nothing

But moderately expensive wine

And no, you don’t get a thank you

For remembering

To get the wine

Your friends are supposed to show up at eight

But they got confused

And came at seven

When nothing was done

And she’s upstairs not even showered yet

Because she had to root through the fridge

And figure out how to make something something sauce

Using only mustard and a few things from the bottom shelf

You tell your friends

It’s no big deal

Because there are only two of them

And they’re your friends

They’ve been to your place before

But when you go upstairs

She tells you that it’s a very big deal

And can you ask them to go somewhere and come back
So she can have everything ready the way she wanted it

And when you tell her that what she’s saying is insane

She gets all upset

And slams the bathroom door in your face

Which sucks, because you weren’t just coming to talk to her

You also had to pee

And your friends downstairs

Definitely heard her yell at you

And probably what she said about asking them to leave

And now you have to go back downstairs

And pretend everything is great

When there’s no something something sauce
And you’re married to a lunatic

So you go downstairs

And you pour some wine for yourself in the kitchen
Without thinking to offer your friends any

Because you’re probably going to need

To get a headstart on them

You sit around with your friends

Making small talk

Because you have been told

That the television is not to be turned on

Under any circumstances

Even excruciating silences

Because what do you have to talk about with your friends?
You just saw them three days ago

At Shelly’s birthday party at Rosie’s

When one of your friends got drunk
And proposed marriage to Krissy the Bartender

Only to get laughed at by everybody

You’ve been told not to bring that story up tonight

Even though it’s the funniest thing

That’s happened to you or anyone you know

In months

And everybody could use a laugh

After the layoffs

But you’re not in charge of tonight

So you don’t bring up the story

And you don’t turn on the tv

And when one of your friends looks at the remote
You shake your head

Like the doctor told you the treatment ain’t working

And you’re just going to have to ride this until it’s dead

She comes downstairs

And asks why everybody’s just sitting around not talking

When she knows full well

There’s a game on

And nobody’s allowed to watch it

You all go into what she calls the dining room

Even though it’s just the kitchen

With the lights off

And candles everywhere

Like the electricity’s been turned off again

When it hasn’t

‘What if they think the electricity’s been turned off,’ you asked her

And she asked you if you’d never been to a real dinner party before

And you said ‘No’ but had she been to one either?
And she didn’t answer your question

But just told you not to forget the wine and the sauce and the—oh shit

‘Where are the matches,’ she asks

And that’s when you remember you forgot the matches too

So she has to turn on the lights in the kitchen
Even though there’s spaghetti in the cupboard

And you could use that to light the candles

But she says that’s tacky

So you just sit there in a roomful of unlit candles

And florescent lights

Eating meat on a plate

With mustard and duck sauce on it

Going ‘Mmmm’ and ‘Yum’

Like a moron

Afterwards, when everybody’s gone home

You rub her back up in bed

And tell her it was fine

And that everybody really appreciated

All her hard work

‘I was just trying, you know’ she said

‘Trying to do what,’ you ask her

‘You know,’ she said, ‘Trying to be better people.’

Then she goes into the bathroom

And turns on the shower

But that’s just so you can’t hear her cry

You go downstairs

And finish off the last of the meat

And the wine

That nobody wanted to drink

Because it tastes like old cough syrup

And you think maybe trying to be better people

Is something you gotta try more than once

And then you think maybe it’s something

You’ll never get right

And so why bother even

Trying