The Soldier's Son

He wakes up

And wipes his mouth

With the back of his hand

His boxers are all bunched up

And he has to pee

But he doesn’t want to get out of bed

Just yet

There’s rain outside

And it’ll go on all day

As if the weather knows

It’s January 7th

And it’s behaving

Accordingly

This is the day his father died

Ten years ago

When he was eight

And his mom was twenty-nine

And everybody was too young

Too young to be a widow

Too young to lose a father

Too young to die

That’s for sure

He sits up and tries to forget

What day it is

But somebody else will remind him

Not his mother

Because she doesn’t want

To remember either

But someone else

An aunt

Usually an aunt

Definitely his grandmother

If one of his aunts forget

But they usually don’t

Usually

Usually the same thing happens

Year after year

He has to wake up Nicky

Before his mom finds her

Even though they didn’t have sex

She remember what day it was last night

And she asked him if he wanted her to come over

And he said because he thought maybe they could finally go without stopping

But once she got there, he fell asleep on her

With his boxers still on

Like a fucking idiot

She probably thought it was sweet

He hates that she probably thought
It was sweet

He’d rather be a million fucking things

Than sweet

He goes to the bathroom

And sees that he hasn’t shaved in a month

And he needs a haircut

His eyes are bloodshot

Probably from all the smoking he did last night

Before Nicky got there

And he’s got a chipped tooth

But he doesn’t know how that happened

Whatever, he thinks

It’s not one of the front teeth

He only vividly remembers

Three things

About his dad--

His dad never needed to shave and he would complain about his babyface all the time

His dad used to tickle him until he passed out

His dad fucking loved The Matrix

Sometimes he puts on The Matrix

But he can never watch it for very long

Not because it bothers him

That his dad loved it

But because he just thinks it’s boring

He thinks everything is boring

Nothing holds his attention

For very long

Back in his bedroom, Nicky is already getting dressed

He gets under the covers

And waits until she’s ready to leave

Then makes her pull back the blankets

To give him a kiss

She asks him if he’s okay

And he says ‘Yeah’

And she goes quietly downstairs

So his mom won’t wake up

Under all the blankets

He pretends he’s in an ice palace

And it’s just him

All alone in a vast space

Where he can see and be anything he wants

He’s too old to fantasize like this

But the fantasies come all the same

And when they do

They’re the only things

That can put him to sleep

In the ice palace

There’s a bar

And at the bar

A man is drinking

And the man could be his dad

Or it could just be a man

He walks over and sits down next to the man
And notices the gunshot wound

In the man’s chest

But he tries not to stare

The man is drinking an IPA

The same kind his dad used to drink

And he wonders what kind of ice palace bar

Carries IPA’s

The two of them sit at the bar

Not feeling cold

But not talking either

Pretty soon

The ice will melt

Because that’s what ice does

Even if it’s part of a palace

Even if there’s so much of it

It seems like it’ll last forever

It’ll melt

And the bar will be the last thing standing

But eventually

That’ll metl too

And when it does

He’ll have to say something

To the man who might be his dad

And that’s when he’ll wake himself up

He’s done it before

And it’s never

That hard