Grandpa Nick's Pizzeria

This is your old friend Grandpa Nick

From Grandpa Nick’s Pizzeria

Wishing you another happy summer

You know, I remember when I was a kid

We’d leave the house every day at dawn

To go deliver papers

For some extra pocket change

Of course, a few of us never came back

Because that was back when

Those sewer clowns were running rampant

But oh boy, if you didn’t get eaten

You sure sweat a lot

Riding up and down the street

Tossing those papers onto the lawns

Of all the racists and Nazi sympathizers

Who lived in your neighborhood

We didn’t know that about the neighbors

Because this was before the Information Age

A simpler time

When everyone around you

Could be a murderous psychopath

And you’d be none the wiser

Sure do miss those days

After you were done with your route

You and your friends would grab a bagged lunch

Made by your mother

Who was never allowed to speak

More than ten words a day

Or she’d get a talking to from your old man

The lunch would usually be made up

Of a few odds and ends

To hold you over until dinner

Things like meatball subs

Cold cuts

Some spaghetti

Dinner rolls

Half a prime rib

Eight hard-boiled eggs

A tuna melt

Grilled cheese

A pumpkin pie

Half a bottle of whiskey

And a thermos full of clam chowder

When you’d get to the beach

--Or the local watering hole

That was really just the drop spot

Where the aluminum plant

Would drop all its radioactive material--

There was none of this playing on your phone

Or clicking and swiping
The tweeting
The liking
The kissing
The smooching
The rigamarole

Just good clean fun

Harassing girls about their bodies

Or diving into what you thought

Was the deep end

Only to wind up in traction

For the rest of the summer

But hey, at least you weren’t like the kids

At the watering hole

Who grew an extra arm

And had to have it removed

Before school pictures in September

Boy, we had fun

I remember having to run home

Before it got dark

Or my old man

Would beat me until I was unconscious

While my mother looked on in horror

Because child abuse wasn’t just accepted in those days

It was sort of charming

Which is how we can look back on it

With so much fondness

I still smile every time I see the scar I got

Because I spilled some water

On my father’s collection

Of dirty magazines

He sure was addicted to those

Although we didn’t have the word addiction back then

Or the word sadist

Otherwise I would have had something

To call my Aunt Claudia

At night, our eyes weren’t glued

To any television

No, we sat there looking at my father

Pacing back and forth in the living room

Muttering about the Martians

And how they were going to want to take

At least one of us kids

When they finally landed
And which one of us
Should he sacrifice

This was before we had new-fangled things
Like 'therapy' or 'diagnosing mental illness'
So we just rolled up our sleeves
And shoved Pop into the 'Go to Sleep' closet
On the second floor
Where he'd scream until dawn

Boy, that was all the entertainment

We needed, huh?

Finally, after a long summer’s day

We’d crawl into bed

Emotionally exhausted

And emotionally not-quite-there

And wait for the darkness

To overtake us

Oh!  And for dinner

We’d have pizza

Wonderful pizza!

Best pizza you ever had

And you can enjoy that same pizza

At Grandpa Nick’s Pizzeria

Seven days a week

Just ask for Grandpa Nick

When you get there

Although I’m only there on Sunday’s now

Because the place smells like my dad’s cologne

And every time I get a whiff of it

I start shaking uncontrollably

Memories, right?

Good old memories